Reading, I tell you is one great habit and a very good way to spend time. I wasn't really fascinated by reading sometime ago, but now books are my best friends.
I just thought I'll list some that I have read that have had a big influence in my life:
Maverick: The Success Story Behind the World's Most Unusual Workplace - Ricardo Semler
Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box - Arbinger Institute
The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem - Wayne Dyer
The Art of Possibility - Rosamund and Benjamin Zander
Thunder of Silence - Joel Goldsmith
The 8th HAbit - Stephen Covey
This one, I am reading and is already exciting:
Good Business: Leadership, Flow, and the Making of Meaning - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
A new meaning for Leadership
Leadership is the ability to clearly see the inherent goodness in ALL people at ALL circumstances.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
No right, no wrong - only choice
One thing I realized have been grappling with is to understand and know what is the correct thing to do for the moment. Yes - the "correct" action. I wanted to be correct. I didn't want to be wrong.
But what I came to realize is there are no "correct" or "wrong" actions. There are only choices that you can make. You make a choice in life and move on without regrets.
A big mistake people who were like me make is to look back regretting choices that we made and label them as "wrong". When this happens, you don't accept yourself they way you are today. You become opinionated and are not really happy about your own self. And it becomes tough to move on.
At every moment in life, we need to make decisions. The best way to look at the options we have is not by labelling any of them as "right" or "wrong" and "correct" or "incorrect". Because if we do, we disdain or become attached to the choices and it becomes difficult for you to forgive ourself if realize later that we picked the choice which turned out to be the "not so correct" one.
So the best thing we can do is to pick a choice using our instincts and invest on it. Give it our all. Don't look back because we could not have made a better choice for ourself.
This question may arise: What if my choice is to kill and not to kill. Isn't the "correct" choice obvious?
Not always. What if people are being held hostage by a serial killer? What if he is going to kill you if you don't act in time? What I am trying to say is that the notion of "correct" and "wrong" is what we tell ourselves at that moment. There is no definitive guide to what the correct action is at any given moment. If there was such a guide, then life wouldn't be so unpredictable as it is now.
The only thing we can do is to trust that our instincts will guide us the way it is meant to be and invest in what our instincts tells us. It is best to affirm that our instincts will be driven by a power far greater than me and have faith that it will guide us on a good path which leads us to somewere nice. If someday if we were forced to chose to kill, then we cannot move on if we begin to regret and blame ourself for having done the "wrong" action.
The world is perfect as it is and will be perfect the way it is going to be tomorrow. I could not have been more perfect than I am today and I am always going to be perfect as I am tomorrow.
But what I came to realize is there are no "correct" or "wrong" actions. There are only choices that you can make. You make a choice in life and move on without regrets.
A big mistake people who were like me make is to look back regretting choices that we made and label them as "wrong". When this happens, you don't accept yourself they way you are today. You become opinionated and are not really happy about your own self. And it becomes tough to move on.
At every moment in life, we need to make decisions. The best way to look at the options we have is not by labelling any of them as "right" or "wrong" and "correct" or "incorrect". Because if we do, we disdain or become attached to the choices and it becomes difficult for you to forgive ourself if realize later that we picked the choice which turned out to be the "not so correct" one.
So the best thing we can do is to pick a choice using our instincts and invest on it. Give it our all. Don't look back because we could not have made a better choice for ourself.
This question may arise: What if my choice is to kill and not to kill. Isn't the "correct" choice obvious?
Not always. What if people are being held hostage by a serial killer? What if he is going to kill you if you don't act in time? What I am trying to say is that the notion of "correct" and "wrong" is what we tell ourselves at that moment. There is no definitive guide to what the correct action is at any given moment. If there was such a guide, then life wouldn't be so unpredictable as it is now.
The only thing we can do is to trust that our instincts will guide us the way it is meant to be and invest in what our instincts tells us. It is best to affirm that our instincts will be driven by a power far greater than me and have faith that it will guide us on a good path which leads us to somewere nice. If someday if we were forced to chose to kill, then we cannot move on if we begin to regret and blame ourself for having done the "wrong" action.
The world is perfect as it is and will be perfect the way it is going to be tomorrow. I could not have been more perfect than I am today and I am always going to be perfect as I am tomorrow.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
A quest for my Identity
I think I found what I was going through. An explanation warrants a little bit of history, or perhaps an analysis.
Some of you may know, till about year ago I was pretty much the happiest guy on earth. I was happy with what I was doing, what was happening, and most importantly, I was happy with the people around me and I was under the correct impression that the world is a perfect place as is.
But things changed. I began to "know" that I was happy and wanted to stay that way. I wanted to share my happiness with people. I wanted to show people what it mans to be happy! But soon enough, I also became conscious of myself and began to see unhappiness around me and my desire to correct it began to creep in.
Around the same time, my involvement with the volunteering activities got very regular. I used to be there for all the activities promptly and I even got chances to lead some of them. I pretty much earned the unofficial title of "Mr. Reliable". Even at my work place, I was kind of the "to-go" guy for the area I worked on. And of course, I was proud of myself and patted myself on the back for a step ahead in life.
All these developments led me to believe that I had the ability to become a leader because I was good at what I was doing and all I need to learn is how to motivate people. Easier said than done huh! So I began taking up initiatives and offered myself wherever needed. I knew that a good leader has to set good examples. "Because if a leader does not, then who would like to follow him? BE, DO and TELL. Not the other way." But then what I couldn't see till recently, was this innocent thought which had always been hiding in my mind: "Well, you want to be a good leader. So you need to be an idealistic person. If you go wrong, then you cannot be effective. So you always need to be correct!"
What a spoiler it was! Unconsciously, I didn't let myself be wrong. I wouldn't forgive myself if I failed to do something "correctly", forget me blaming others if they didn't do their job "correctly" - that always happened. And I started to make conscious efforts to portray myself as an ideal person. When I look back now, I can see myself suppressing the actions I would naturally do when I am amongst my friends and stay a quiet person - deep in my own thoughts, trying to analyse what the correct thing to do was for that time. This made me so conscious of myself, and I started wondering what people think of me. And the thought would come: "Am I living for others, or am I living for myself?" I began to ask myself who I really am because I lost the sense of my identity - I was obsessed about what people thought about me.
In my visit to India this time, I didn't speak even with my parents as I usually would, and not even with my brother. I was in my own shell quietly resisting any conversation that would let my true self slip away. My folks could see my resistance and made all attempts to set me free, but it was all in vain because I wouldn't speak up.
And then when I came back here to the US, it was the jet-lagged sleepless night that brought me back to my own self. I could not sleep and my thoughts raced and raced about why I was this way with my own folks. "YOUR OWN FOLKS you fool!" - forget about friends here!
I called my mom in the middle of the night and broke down.
I am yet to find out how much more there is for me to see of myself. And I am in the quest for my own true identity.
Some of you may know, till about year ago I was pretty much the happiest guy on earth. I was happy with what I was doing, what was happening, and most importantly, I was happy with the people around me and I was under the correct impression that the world is a perfect place as is.
But things changed. I began to "know" that I was happy and wanted to stay that way. I wanted to share my happiness with people. I wanted to show people what it mans to be happy! But soon enough, I also became conscious of myself and began to see unhappiness around me and my desire to correct it began to creep in.
Around the same time, my involvement with the volunteering activities got very regular. I used to be there for all the activities promptly and I even got chances to lead some of them. I pretty much earned the unofficial title of "Mr. Reliable". Even at my work place, I was kind of the "to-go" guy for the area I worked on. And of course, I was proud of myself and patted myself on the back for a step ahead in life.
All these developments led me to believe that I had the ability to become a leader because I was good at what I was doing and all I need to learn is how to motivate people. Easier said than done huh! So I began taking up initiatives and offered myself wherever needed. I knew that a good leader has to set good examples. "Because if a leader does not, then who would like to follow him? BE, DO and TELL. Not the other way." But then what I couldn't see till recently, was this innocent thought which had always been hiding in my mind: "Well, you want to be a good leader. So you need to be an idealistic person. If you go wrong, then you cannot be effective. So you always need to be correct!"
What a spoiler it was! Unconsciously, I didn't let myself be wrong. I wouldn't forgive myself if I failed to do something "correctly", forget me blaming others if they didn't do their job "correctly" - that always happened. And I started to make conscious efforts to portray myself as an ideal person. When I look back now, I can see myself suppressing the actions I would naturally do when I am amongst my friends and stay a quiet person - deep in my own thoughts, trying to analyse what the correct thing to do was for that time. This made me so conscious of myself, and I started wondering what people think of me. And the thought would come: "Am I living for others, or am I living for myself?" I began to ask myself who I really am because I lost the sense of my identity - I was obsessed about what people thought about me.
In my visit to India this time, I didn't speak even with my parents as I usually would, and not even with my brother. I was in my own shell quietly resisting any conversation that would let my true self slip away. My folks could see my resistance and made all attempts to set me free, but it was all in vain because I wouldn't speak up.
And then when I came back here to the US, it was the jet-lagged sleepless night that brought me back to my own self. I could not sleep and my thoughts raced and raced about why I was this way with my own folks. "YOUR OWN FOLKS you fool!" - forget about friends here!
I called my mom in the middle of the night and broke down.
I am yet to find out how much more there is for me to see of myself. And I am in the quest for my own true identity.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Look ahead, not behind
A great leader never looks back to see who is following him. He probably doesn't even know if he indeed has any followers. All he does is look ahead to find his own way through the thickest of jungles and create a new trail so crystal clear that his 'followers' will not have the slightest hitch in treading that path for times to come.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Secret to True Freedom
The past few days, few people and a few books have made me get a much better understanding of what true freedom is all about. You are free when you are rid of guilt and when you can truly love. More importantly, you have true freedom when you have no resistance toward anything - yes, absolutely everything -- this is when your mind ceases to work (because our mind is just a bundle of fears), but the spirit takes its place.
In everyday life, I can see myself blocked by my fears. In the last few months, this huge wall of my fears right in front of me has grown taller and taller, and tougher to overcome each day. I was the one who built it unknowingly and I could feel it everyday, but could never see it. I was in a constant state of denial - denial that those fears existed. Deep down, something told me I resisted, but I didn't want that to be true.
The challenge I feel each of us face is to identify what we really fear underneath all our emotions. This is not easy to dig this out because we constantly deny our fears, which the spirit wants us to overcome.
One good way I learned to find these out for myself is by doing a self-inquiry on how much I "hide" in my life. What are my greatest secrets I don't want people to know? What is it that is so dear and private to me that I don't want to let go of it? Do I "pretend" that there is nothing wrong with my relationship with someone? Can I look up to anyone in their eyes and sincerely say "You are perfect the way you are"?
For some, the fear could be a desire for something, for someone. For others it could be their financial problems. It could even be health related. Or it could be some wrong action they have done, or even some wrong act by others where they were victimized.
Most often, releasing these secrets is our greatest fear. We fear judgment from our friends and family. We fear that if people know about it we will be a bad example in society. We fear rejection. What we don't see is the freedom we will gain by releasing those fears. Once we strip ourselves and show all we have to the whole world, there is nothing to fear from, and that is the greatest thing one can strive for. And that is precisely what Mahavir did. He released everything he thought he held on to - his thoughts and fears, his material possessions including his clothes and that is how he overcame his mind.
The secret to freedom is simple, but profound. It is to come out from hiding into the open, and do the action that the spirit is calling for us to do. Most often it is either to forgive the offender (even if it is yourself), or to seek for forgiveness from the person you offended. If we can try this once, we will come to relish the value and joy of true freedom.
In everyday life, I can see myself blocked by my fears. In the last few months, this huge wall of my fears right in front of me has grown taller and taller, and tougher to overcome each day. I was the one who built it unknowingly and I could feel it everyday, but could never see it. I was in a constant state of denial - denial that those fears existed. Deep down, something told me I resisted, but I didn't want that to be true.
The challenge I feel each of us face is to identify what we really fear underneath all our emotions. This is not easy to dig this out because we constantly deny our fears, which the spirit wants us to overcome.
One good way I learned to find these out for myself is by doing a self-inquiry on how much I "hide" in my life. What are my greatest secrets I don't want people to know? What is it that is so dear and private to me that I don't want to let go of it? Do I "pretend" that there is nothing wrong with my relationship with someone? Can I look up to anyone in their eyes and sincerely say "You are perfect the way you are"?
For some, the fear could be a desire for something, for someone. For others it could be their financial problems. It could even be health related. Or it could be some wrong action they have done, or even some wrong act by others where they were victimized.
Most often, releasing these secrets is our greatest fear. We fear judgment from our friends and family. We fear that if people know about it we will be a bad example in society. We fear rejection. What we don't see is the freedom we will gain by releasing those fears. Once we strip ourselves and show all we have to the whole world, there is nothing to fear from, and that is the greatest thing one can strive for. And that is precisely what Mahavir did. He released everything he thought he held on to - his thoughts and fears, his material possessions including his clothes and that is how he overcame his mind.
The secret to freedom is simple, but profound. It is to come out from hiding into the open, and do the action that the spirit is calling for us to do. Most often it is either to forgive the offender (even if it is yourself), or to seek for forgiveness from the person you offended. If we can try this once, we will come to relish the value and joy of true freedom.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Self-Deception Live!
An interesting experience to share...
I had been reading Stephen Covey's "8th Habit" for the last month or so and I discovered fr myself a new meaning to this word "Trust." I could relate to the new ideas because much of my recent experiences in life were very relevant to "trust". And I wanted to share my discovery with all my friends. I prepared for a study circle very enthusiastically putting into it quite a bit of time and effort and was looking forward to hear what people thought about the topic, and also introduce to them what the book taught me. The first week was exam week. No one turned up. It was just me and one other person. I didn't feel bad because I expected it. I might have probably done the same if I were a student. The subsequent week was sandwich making and many were able to attend, but none could stay back for study circle which followed. That's OK, I told myself. This week was my third attempt in vain with no one showing up once again. This time, it was frustrating for me. I could think of nothing but blame!
"You can bring water to a horse, but you cannot make it drink!" was what went in my mind. "All I can do is ask people to come, and collectively improve the study circle if it is not good enough for everyone. It's not like I am the only one responsible for it. If people want something out of it, they would want to come and make it better. If they aren't bothered too much about it, why am I to blame?" My thoughts were all the while trying to justify my actions. I was looking for reasons to prove that the others were wrong.
And then in a flash, I just realized I was "in the box" with the whole group!
I don't know if you guys have read this book, but I'll tell you - it is a must read. It is titled "Leadership and Self-Deception - Getting out of the Box", and it is from the Arbinger Institute. I don't know if I will do justice by summarizing what "in-the-box" is about, but I'll try.
When you are "in the box", you see the external world as mere objects rather than as people who have the same needs and feelings as you. You stop focusing on the results you want to achieve and rather, you begin to focus on how to prove yourself and your actions - just like I did in my story. You tend to inflate other's faults and your own virtues. Even when there is scope for improvement on your end, your mind is blind to it because all you are trying to do is to justify yourself. And worst of all, you don't know you are "in the box".
And this leads to what the authors call 'collusion' - a chain reaction. You get in the box - You start blaming others - You force others in their box - They start justifying their actions and blame you - They repeat their actions which justifies your blame even further. This cycle continues and it gets to a point when you actually begin to want them to fail, so that you become correct! And the end result: the goal which both of us wanted to reach is not a goal anymore; rather, proving ourselves right becomes our primary objective. And we are what? A total mess.
And all this happens because of what the authors call 'self-betrayal' and it is our problem, not anyone else's. I don't want to spoil the book for you here, so if you would like to know more, go get the book. I can see similar situations so many times in my life and this experience is one instance where I realized I was indeed in the box. And getting to know when you are inside really helps. And the book tells you more - how to get out of it too!
I had been reading Stephen Covey's "8th Habit" for the last month or so and I discovered fr myself a new meaning to this word "Trust." I could relate to the new ideas because much of my recent experiences in life were very relevant to "trust". And I wanted to share my discovery with all my friends. I prepared for a study circle very enthusiastically putting into it quite a bit of time and effort and was looking forward to hear what people thought about the topic, and also introduce to them what the book taught me. The first week was exam week. No one turned up. It was just me and one other person. I didn't feel bad because I expected it. I might have probably done the same if I were a student. The subsequent week was sandwich making and many were able to attend, but none could stay back for study circle which followed. That's OK, I told myself. This week was my third attempt in vain with no one showing up once again. This time, it was frustrating for me. I could think of nothing but blame!
"You can bring water to a horse, but you cannot make it drink!" was what went in my mind. "All I can do is ask people to come, and collectively improve the study circle if it is not good enough for everyone. It's not like I am the only one responsible for it. If people want something out of it, they would want to come and make it better. If they aren't bothered too much about it, why am I to blame?" My thoughts were all the while trying to justify my actions. I was looking for reasons to prove that the others were wrong.
And then in a flash, I just realized I was "in the box" with the whole group!
I don't know if you guys have read this book, but I'll tell you - it is a must read. It is titled "Leadership and Self-Deception - Getting out of the Box", and it is from the Arbinger Institute. I don't know if I will do justice by summarizing what "in-the-box" is about, but I'll try.
When you are "in the box", you see the external world as mere objects rather than as people who have the same needs and feelings as you. You stop focusing on the results you want to achieve and rather, you begin to focus on how to prove yourself and your actions - just like I did in my story. You tend to inflate other's faults and your own virtues. Even when there is scope for improvement on your end, your mind is blind to it because all you are trying to do is to justify yourself. And worst of all, you don't know you are "in the box".
And this leads to what the authors call 'collusion' - a chain reaction. You get in the box - You start blaming others - You force others in their box - They start justifying their actions and blame you - They repeat their actions which justifies your blame even further. This cycle continues and it gets to a point when you actually begin to want them to fail, so that you become correct! And the end result: the goal which both of us wanted to reach is not a goal anymore; rather, proving ourselves right becomes our primary objective. And we are what? A total mess.
And all this happens because of what the authors call 'self-betrayal' and it is our problem, not anyone else's. I don't want to spoil the book for you here, so if you would like to know more, go get the book. I can see similar situations so many times in my life and this experience is one instance where I realized I was indeed in the box. And getting to know when you are inside really helps. And the book tells you more - how to get out of it too!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Sending the right message
Many times when I am not happy about someone's actions, I tend to associate the action with the person and send the message across that the action is more important to me than the person itself. That is something I need to change about myself.
I think all of us have to remind ourselves to address the action, and not the actor. If we comment about just the action, but still truly care for the person from the bottom of our hearts, we send the right message across: "I know you can do better!" Whereas if we make a conclusion about the person based on his action, then we are actually saying "You are no good. I don't want to trust you", and the next thing that we will see happen is losing their trust and confidence.
I was reading Stephen Covey's '8th Habit' and I found one of his tips to give sincere feedback helpful. He suggests that when we give feedback on a negative action, it is good to talk about ourself and how we internally feel about the action. This is what he calls the 'I messages'. The opposite is the 'You messages' - exactly the wrong thing to do.
You probably know how it feels when you have sent 'You messages' - miserable, after you realize that you just fed your ego.
I think all of us have to remind ourselves to address the action, and not the actor. If we comment about just the action, but still truly care for the person from the bottom of our hearts, we send the right message across: "I know you can do better!" Whereas if we make a conclusion about the person based on his action, then we are actually saying "You are no good. I don't want to trust you", and the next thing that we will see happen is losing their trust and confidence.
I was reading Stephen Covey's '8th Habit' and I found one of his tips to give sincere feedback helpful. He suggests that when we give feedback on a negative action, it is good to talk about ourself and how we internally feel about the action. This is what he calls the 'I messages'. The opposite is the 'You messages' - exactly the wrong thing to do.
You probably know how it feels when you have sent 'You messages' - miserable, after you realize that you just fed your ego.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Transformation
Last week's study circle question was about how Sai Baba has transformed my life. I did not speak out, but I did think about it a bit.
I have never had any close interactions with Swami, nor have I witnessed any of his miracles. To be honest, I have not read any of his books fully. Most of his teachings I learned come from listening to people around me. I am not really attached to his form, and I don't try to judge whether or not he is God (I don't think there is any point in trying to do that). Yet, I have immense respect for this being.
In the last three years, I can see that I have changed a ton. My way of thinking, my attitude towards life, my self-confidence has had an extreme makeover! I have never ever believed in my abilities as much as I believe in them today. Three years ago, I did not imagine I would achieve as much as I have today. And I truly feel that there is a lot more I have to deliver. I can see myself as a wonderful creation of God, placed on this earth with all the resources I need to do my job. And I can feel the dormant, limitless energy of possibility within. All this has been the way it is because of the company of wonderful people whose eyes have reflected a lot of goodness within myself I have never seen before. One thing is for sure. This bunch of good people to look up to has been there for me because of Sri Sathya Sai Baba. And I am thankful for that!
My salute goes out to each and everyone including YOU who have made an unforgettable impression in my life.
I have never had any close interactions with Swami, nor have I witnessed any of his miracles. To be honest, I have not read any of his books fully. Most of his teachings I learned come from listening to people around me. I am not really attached to his form, and I don't try to judge whether or not he is God (I don't think there is any point in trying to do that). Yet, I have immense respect for this being.
In the last three years, I can see that I have changed a ton. My way of thinking, my attitude towards life, my self-confidence has had an extreme makeover! I have never ever believed in my abilities as much as I believe in them today. Three years ago, I did not imagine I would achieve as much as I have today. And I truly feel that there is a lot more I have to deliver. I can see myself as a wonderful creation of God, placed on this earth with all the resources I need to do my job. And I can feel the dormant, limitless energy of possibility within. All this has been the way it is because of the company of wonderful people whose eyes have reflected a lot of goodness within myself I have never seen before. One thing is for sure. This bunch of good people to look up to has been there for me because of Sri Sathya Sai Baba. And I am thankful for that!
My salute goes out to each and everyone including YOU who have made an unforgettable impression in my life.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
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