Sharing judgment

When we describe some thing or some place, or some person, or some event, to a friend, we often end up not just transferring to them the description to the other person, but also our sense of judgment about that thing, event or person. I am realizing it profoundly when I describe to my wife my past events in my life, people I have interacted with, people who I have a good opinion about, those I don't, people in my life that have transformed me and so on. I see that I not only share with them the facts, but also what I feel about them - its emotional value. Sharing judgment is sometimes good. Sometimes it is not so good. When the event, person or event is a positive one, the effect is wonderful - we are spreading happiness. But when our own perspective of the event is negative, and if the listener accepts the negative perspective blindly, it may not be a good thing.

What I am arriving at is this: It is the responsibility of the narrator to describe the story in such a way that facts are separated from his own judgment. When appropriate, it is always good to clearly indicate to the listener that what he is describing is his own judgment and not necessarily the final verdict. And as a listener, it is important to not blindly accept others judgments, and take them at full value. The listener could use the facts along with his own experience, knowledge and maturity to provide perhaps a different perspective to the subject - which is always better.

Discipline vs. Non-Judgement

I would like to share with you a very nice email conversation I had with Soumya a few days ago. about discipline vs. non-judgment. Before I say anything, let me present you the conversation.

Vish:
A question has been lingering in my mind, and I've been seeking an answer for a while now, but it still has remained. I just want to share it with you.

An aspect of good leadership is making sure that the team maintains discipline. Discipline is very important so that the group stays focused on its task. Not everyone can do everything, so it is important that the best people do it. People who are responsible for getting things done should be disciplined and ensure that they deliver what is expected of them.

The other facet of (not necessarily exclusive to) leadership is being non-judgmental about the people we work with. It is our reposibility to ensure that each and everyone brings their best to the table, and let God work through them. This is best done when there is no fear of failure and when people are non-judgemental. We should let the person be whoever he/she is by accepting them from within our hearts and enjoy the God within them.

The problem I see here is that we cannot really make sure there is discipline without being judgemental of others. If once we find that there is no discipline, we have already judged haven't we?

How can I see God in people and say that "The person (who is God) is not perfect yet" at the same time? But then, if I don't do that, am I not being ignorant of the task to complete, thus failing in the arena of discipline?

I find this question relating to many aspects in life. Bhajan singing. If I don't really adore someone else's singing, am I not being judgmental? The problem is with me, is it not? But at the same time, only when good singers sing and discipline is followed do bhajans achieve their collective purpose.

In a team project, if we find that a member does not contribute up to what we think is his best constantly, what do we do? We have two options: 1. Be ignorant, and you can still see the God in him. 2. Talk to him about it. But then, you have judged the person now.

How can we achieve discipline and non-judgment at the same time?

Soumya:
You have hit on the exact problem of parenthood, which is a very specific form of leadership. This is a problem that I have grappled with all these years and I have made some progress but I'm really still working on this.

First of all, I think that one of the main lessons of leadership is that, from the leader's point of view, the exercise is really for you to learn how to lead and the path is the particular project. If we think that the project is really the outcome and the path is for us to learn, I believe that we will have trouble. This understanding helps because we can then strive for the best possible project outcome but at the same time be detached about the project outcome.

Secondly, I think that whatever trait we are trying to inculcate into the others, we must examine that we are doing it to our utmost.

Thirdly, what to do about when we see deficiencies? I think that people don't perform up to a certain standard when they don't inherently believe that they can. As a leader, pushing them is important, not just to get the project done, but to show them something that they don't believe in themselves. I think that then you are truly not judging. You are not saying, "Look, you can't do this; you aren't disciplined", etc. You are actually saying, "You may not believe you are capable of discipline, but I'll show you that you are!" This is what really good teachers do to you--they force you to strive harder and push you till you believe you can. It is kind of like what a personal trainer does--when you don't think you can run another lap, he forces you to.

All of this is possible only when you see the larger picture that the project is the path for you to develop as a person who visualizes other people as better than they presently appear to be and for the workers to develop the different skills and abilities and character required by the project. It can really only happen when everyone strives but the outcome of the project is left in God's hands.


Every time things don't happen like the way we think it is supposed to, we visualize people as incapable. We stop believing in their ability. Our presumption about them starts to haunt us. That is precisely what judgment is. Instead, if we continue to set examples of how to do the job the best possible way and be the happiest people on earth, there are very few ways to motivate them better! The most important thing is that deep down in your heart you should believe that they can do it. That is the way you see the God in them. A 'deficiency' to you will naturally not seem like one. It will seem like an opportunity to motivate people. Even if there is just a little bit of uncertainty in your mind in the first place, you have absolutely no reason to inspire them to believe in themselves.

Soumya's reply inspired me to compose this poem.

First Believe in Thy heart,
cause Thou nature art God;
Then inspire Thy neighbor to Believe in his,
cause he often forgets he art God too;
But only after Thou start Believing in him,
cause he will see the God within - only using Thy eyes!