Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Look ahead, not behind
A great leader never looks back to see who is following him. He probably doesn't even know if he indeed has any followers. All he does is look ahead to find his own way through the thickest of jungles and create a new trail so crystal clear that his 'followers' will not have the slightest hitch in treading that path for times to come.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Secret to True Freedom
The past few days, few people and a few books have made me get a much better understanding of what true freedom is all about. You are free when you are rid of guilt and when you can truly love. More importantly, you have true freedom when you have no resistance toward anything - yes, absolutely everything -- this is when your mind ceases to work (because our mind is just a bundle of fears), but the spirit takes its place.
In everyday life, I can see myself blocked by my fears. In the last few months, this huge wall of my fears right in front of me has grown taller and taller, and tougher to overcome each day. I was the one who built it unknowingly and I could feel it everyday, but could never see it. I was in a constant state of denial - denial that those fears existed. Deep down, something told me I resisted, but I didn't want that to be true.
The challenge I feel each of us face is to identify what we really fear underneath all our emotions. This is not easy to dig this out because we constantly deny our fears, which the spirit wants us to overcome.
One good way I learned to find these out for myself is by doing a self-inquiry on how much I "hide" in my life. What are my greatest secrets I don't want people to know? What is it that is so dear and private to me that I don't want to let go of it? Do I "pretend" that there is nothing wrong with my relationship with someone? Can I look up to anyone in their eyes and sincerely say "You are perfect the way you are"?
For some, the fear could be a desire for something, for someone. For others it could be their financial problems. It could even be health related. Or it could be some wrong action they have done, or even some wrong act by others where they were victimized.
Most often, releasing these secrets is our greatest fear. We fear judgment from our friends and family. We fear that if people know about it we will be a bad example in society. We fear rejection. What we don't see is the freedom we will gain by releasing those fears. Once we strip ourselves and show all we have to the whole world, there is nothing to fear from, and that is the greatest thing one can strive for. And that is precisely what Mahavir did. He released everything he thought he held on to - his thoughts and fears, his material possessions including his clothes and that is how he overcame his mind.
The secret to freedom is simple, but profound. It is to come out from hiding into the open, and do the action that the spirit is calling for us to do. Most often it is either to forgive the offender (even if it is yourself), or to seek for forgiveness from the person you offended. If we can try this once, we will come to relish the value and joy of true freedom.
In everyday life, I can see myself blocked by my fears. In the last few months, this huge wall of my fears right in front of me has grown taller and taller, and tougher to overcome each day. I was the one who built it unknowingly and I could feel it everyday, but could never see it. I was in a constant state of denial - denial that those fears existed. Deep down, something told me I resisted, but I didn't want that to be true.
The challenge I feel each of us face is to identify what we really fear underneath all our emotions. This is not easy to dig this out because we constantly deny our fears, which the spirit wants us to overcome.
One good way I learned to find these out for myself is by doing a self-inquiry on how much I "hide" in my life. What are my greatest secrets I don't want people to know? What is it that is so dear and private to me that I don't want to let go of it? Do I "pretend" that there is nothing wrong with my relationship with someone? Can I look up to anyone in their eyes and sincerely say "You are perfect the way you are"?
For some, the fear could be a desire for something, for someone. For others it could be their financial problems. It could even be health related. Or it could be some wrong action they have done, or even some wrong act by others where they were victimized.
Most often, releasing these secrets is our greatest fear. We fear judgment from our friends and family. We fear that if people know about it we will be a bad example in society. We fear rejection. What we don't see is the freedom we will gain by releasing those fears. Once we strip ourselves and show all we have to the whole world, there is nothing to fear from, and that is the greatest thing one can strive for. And that is precisely what Mahavir did. He released everything he thought he held on to - his thoughts and fears, his material possessions including his clothes and that is how he overcame his mind.
The secret to freedom is simple, but profound. It is to come out from hiding into the open, and do the action that the spirit is calling for us to do. Most often it is either to forgive the offender (even if it is yourself), or to seek for forgiveness from the person you offended. If we can try this once, we will come to relish the value and joy of true freedom.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Self-Deception Live!
An interesting experience to share...
I had been reading Stephen Covey's "8th Habit" for the last month or so and I discovered fr myself a new meaning to this word "Trust." I could relate to the new ideas because much of my recent experiences in life were very relevant to "trust". And I wanted to share my discovery with all my friends. I prepared for a study circle very enthusiastically putting into it quite a bit of time and effort and was looking forward to hear what people thought about the topic, and also introduce to them what the book taught me. The first week was exam week. No one turned up. It was just me and one other person. I didn't feel bad because I expected it. I might have probably done the same if I were a student. The subsequent week was sandwich making and many were able to attend, but none could stay back for study circle which followed. That's OK, I told myself. This week was my third attempt in vain with no one showing up once again. This time, it was frustrating for me. I could think of nothing but blame!
"You can bring water to a horse, but you cannot make it drink!" was what went in my mind. "All I can do is ask people to come, and collectively improve the study circle if it is not good enough for everyone. It's not like I am the only one responsible for it. If people want something out of it, they would want to come and make it better. If they aren't bothered too much about it, why am I to blame?" My thoughts were all the while trying to justify my actions. I was looking for reasons to prove that the others were wrong.
And then in a flash, I just realized I was "in the box" with the whole group!
I don't know if you guys have read this book, but I'll tell you - it is a must read. It is titled "Leadership and Self-Deception - Getting out of the Box", and it is from the Arbinger Institute. I don't know if I will do justice by summarizing what "in-the-box" is about, but I'll try.
When you are "in the box", you see the external world as mere objects rather than as people who have the same needs and feelings as you. You stop focusing on the results you want to achieve and rather, you begin to focus on how to prove yourself and your actions - just like I did in my story. You tend to inflate other's faults and your own virtues. Even when there is scope for improvement on your end, your mind is blind to it because all you are trying to do is to justify yourself. And worst of all, you don't know you are "in the box".
And this leads to what the authors call 'collusion' - a chain reaction. You get in the box - You start blaming others - You force others in their box - They start justifying their actions and blame you - They repeat their actions which justifies your blame even further. This cycle continues and it gets to a point when you actually begin to want them to fail, so that you become correct! And the end result: the goal which both of us wanted to reach is not a goal anymore; rather, proving ourselves right becomes our primary objective. And we are what? A total mess.
And all this happens because of what the authors call 'self-betrayal' and it is our problem, not anyone else's. I don't want to spoil the book for you here, so if you would like to know more, go get the book. I can see similar situations so many times in my life and this experience is one instance where I realized I was indeed in the box. And getting to know when you are inside really helps. And the book tells you more - how to get out of it too!
I had been reading Stephen Covey's "8th Habit" for the last month or so and I discovered fr myself a new meaning to this word "Trust." I could relate to the new ideas because much of my recent experiences in life were very relevant to "trust". And I wanted to share my discovery with all my friends. I prepared for a study circle very enthusiastically putting into it quite a bit of time and effort and was looking forward to hear what people thought about the topic, and also introduce to them what the book taught me. The first week was exam week. No one turned up. It was just me and one other person. I didn't feel bad because I expected it. I might have probably done the same if I were a student. The subsequent week was sandwich making and many were able to attend, but none could stay back for study circle which followed. That's OK, I told myself. This week was my third attempt in vain with no one showing up once again. This time, it was frustrating for me. I could think of nothing but blame!
"You can bring water to a horse, but you cannot make it drink!" was what went in my mind. "All I can do is ask people to come, and collectively improve the study circle if it is not good enough for everyone. It's not like I am the only one responsible for it. If people want something out of it, they would want to come and make it better. If they aren't bothered too much about it, why am I to blame?" My thoughts were all the while trying to justify my actions. I was looking for reasons to prove that the others were wrong.
And then in a flash, I just realized I was "in the box" with the whole group!
I don't know if you guys have read this book, but I'll tell you - it is a must read. It is titled "Leadership and Self-Deception - Getting out of the Box", and it is from the Arbinger Institute. I don't know if I will do justice by summarizing what "in-the-box" is about, but I'll try.
When you are "in the box", you see the external world as mere objects rather than as people who have the same needs and feelings as you. You stop focusing on the results you want to achieve and rather, you begin to focus on how to prove yourself and your actions - just like I did in my story. You tend to inflate other's faults and your own virtues. Even when there is scope for improvement on your end, your mind is blind to it because all you are trying to do is to justify yourself. And worst of all, you don't know you are "in the box".
And this leads to what the authors call 'collusion' - a chain reaction. You get in the box - You start blaming others - You force others in their box - They start justifying their actions and blame you - They repeat their actions which justifies your blame even further. This cycle continues and it gets to a point when you actually begin to want them to fail, so that you become correct! And the end result: the goal which both of us wanted to reach is not a goal anymore; rather, proving ourselves right becomes our primary objective. And we are what? A total mess.
And all this happens because of what the authors call 'self-betrayal' and it is our problem, not anyone else's. I don't want to spoil the book for you here, so if you would like to know more, go get the book. I can see similar situations so many times in my life and this experience is one instance where I realized I was indeed in the box. And getting to know when you are inside really helps. And the book tells you more - how to get out of it too!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Sending the right message
Many times when I am not happy about someone's actions, I tend to associate the action with the person and send the message across that the action is more important to me than the person itself. That is something I need to change about myself.
I think all of us have to remind ourselves to address the action, and not the actor. If we comment about just the action, but still truly care for the person from the bottom of our hearts, we send the right message across: "I know you can do better!" Whereas if we make a conclusion about the person based on his action, then we are actually saying "You are no good. I don't want to trust you", and the next thing that we will see happen is losing their trust and confidence.
I was reading Stephen Covey's '8th Habit' and I found one of his tips to give sincere feedback helpful. He suggests that when we give feedback on a negative action, it is good to talk about ourself and how we internally feel about the action. This is what he calls the 'I messages'. The opposite is the 'You messages' - exactly the wrong thing to do.
You probably know how it feels when you have sent 'You messages' - miserable, after you realize that you just fed your ego.
I think all of us have to remind ourselves to address the action, and not the actor. If we comment about just the action, but still truly care for the person from the bottom of our hearts, we send the right message across: "I know you can do better!" Whereas if we make a conclusion about the person based on his action, then we are actually saying "You are no good. I don't want to trust you", and the next thing that we will see happen is losing their trust and confidence.
I was reading Stephen Covey's '8th Habit' and I found one of his tips to give sincere feedback helpful. He suggests that when we give feedback on a negative action, it is good to talk about ourself and how we internally feel about the action. This is what he calls the 'I messages'. The opposite is the 'You messages' - exactly the wrong thing to do.
You probably know how it feels when you have sent 'You messages' - miserable, after you realize that you just fed your ego.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Transformation
Last week's study circle question was about how Sai Baba has transformed my life. I did not speak out, but I did think about it a bit.
I have never had any close interactions with Swami, nor have I witnessed any of his miracles. To be honest, I have not read any of his books fully. Most of his teachings I learned come from listening to people around me. I am not really attached to his form, and I don't try to judge whether or not he is God (I don't think there is any point in trying to do that). Yet, I have immense respect for this being.
In the last three years, I can see that I have changed a ton. My way of thinking, my attitude towards life, my self-confidence has had an extreme makeover! I have never ever believed in my abilities as much as I believe in them today. Three years ago, I did not imagine I would achieve as much as I have today. And I truly feel that there is a lot more I have to deliver. I can see myself as a wonderful creation of God, placed on this earth with all the resources I need to do my job. And I can feel the dormant, limitless energy of possibility within. All this has been the way it is because of the company of wonderful people whose eyes have reflected a lot of goodness within myself I have never seen before. One thing is for sure. This bunch of good people to look up to has been there for me because of Sri Sathya Sai Baba. And I am thankful for that!
My salute goes out to each and everyone including YOU who have made an unforgettable impression in my life.
I have never had any close interactions with Swami, nor have I witnessed any of his miracles. To be honest, I have not read any of his books fully. Most of his teachings I learned come from listening to people around me. I am not really attached to his form, and I don't try to judge whether or not he is God (I don't think there is any point in trying to do that). Yet, I have immense respect for this being.
In the last three years, I can see that I have changed a ton. My way of thinking, my attitude towards life, my self-confidence has had an extreme makeover! I have never ever believed in my abilities as much as I believe in them today. Three years ago, I did not imagine I would achieve as much as I have today. And I truly feel that there is a lot more I have to deliver. I can see myself as a wonderful creation of God, placed on this earth with all the resources I need to do my job. And I can feel the dormant, limitless energy of possibility within. All this has been the way it is because of the company of wonderful people whose eyes have reflected a lot of goodness within myself I have never seen before. One thing is for sure. This bunch of good people to look up to has been there for me because of Sri Sathya Sai Baba. And I am thankful for that!
My salute goes out to each and everyone including YOU who have made an unforgettable impression in my life.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Saturday, August 06, 2005
So what do you think about me!
It is amazing to see how much effort each of us put in in our lives to change or retain others perception of our identity. Most often this is what seems to be driving my life; but the reality as I understand is that, this is exactly what blocks me from being true to myself and utilizing my fullest capacity.
This idea was touched upon by Soumya and Swami earlier in their study circles, but I am just beginning to understand with a broader meaning now.
Most of our energy I think is spent on trying to create, retain or change others' opinions about us rather than just doing an action for its sake. We always seek for appreciation and praise. I think this is because in reality, we really don't know who we really are and what we are actually capable of. Hence we base our identity on what others think about us. If you really knew who you were, you really wouldn't care a penny for what the other person has to say about you.
When someone says something about me, I tend to measure and rate myself. This is precisely where I think I am wrong because each of us is an immeasurable, limitless creation. When someone says I am good, I limit myself to that amount of what seems "good", and I stop to see the possibility of anything beyond that. When someone says I am "bad", I bind myself to that opinion and am forced into the illusion that I do not have it in me. When we react to other's opinions whether good or bad, we consciously allow THEIR opinion to become OUR reality.
The Divine is never affected by what others have to say because He never takes credit for His actions. When the action is not Mine, why bother to measure?
This idea was touched upon by Soumya and Swami earlier in their study circles, but I am just beginning to understand with a broader meaning now.
Most of our energy I think is spent on trying to create, retain or change others' opinions about us rather than just doing an action for its sake. We always seek for appreciation and praise. I think this is because in reality, we really don't know who we really are and what we are actually capable of. Hence we base our identity on what others think about us. If you really knew who you were, you really wouldn't care a penny for what the other person has to say about you.
When someone says something about me, I tend to measure and rate myself. This is precisely where I think I am wrong because each of us is an immeasurable, limitless creation. When someone says I am good, I limit myself to that amount of what seems "good", and I stop to see the possibility of anything beyond that. When someone says I am "bad", I bind myself to that opinion and am forced into the illusion that I do not have it in me. When we react to other's opinions whether good or bad, we consciously allow THEIR opinion to become OUR reality.
The Divine is never affected by what others have to say because He never takes credit for His actions. When the action is not Mine, why bother to measure?
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Wisdom Flash
My aunt pointed me to a very beautiful website full of flash animations with inspirational messages.
http://www.consciousone.com/wisdomflash/
Some of my best were "Live your Passion" and "Illusion vs. Truth". Take a peek!
http://www.consciousone.com/wisdomflash/
Some of my best were "Live your Passion" and "Illusion vs. Truth". Take a peek!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Discipline vs. Non-Judgement
I would like to share with you a very nice email conversation I had with Soumya a few days ago. about discipline vs. non-judgment. Before I say anything, let me present you the conversation.
Vish:
A question has been lingering in my mind, and I've been seeking an answer for a while now, but it still has remained. I just want to share it with you.
An aspect of good leadership is making sure that the team maintains discipline. Discipline is very important so that the group stays focused on its task. Not everyone can do everything, so it is important that the best people do it. People who are responsible for getting things done should be disciplined and ensure that they deliver what is expected of them.
The other facet of (not necessarily exclusive to) leadership is being non-judgmental about the people we work with. It is our reposibility to ensure that each and everyone brings their best to the table, and let God work through them. This is best done when there is no fear of failure and when people are non-judgemental. We should let the person be whoever he/she is by accepting them from within our hearts and enjoy the God within them.
The problem I see here is that we cannot really make sure there is discipline without being judgemental of others. If once we find that there is no discipline, we have already judged haven't we?
How can I see God in people and say that "The person (who is God) is not perfect yet" at the same time? But then, if I don't do that, am I not being ignorant of the task to complete, thus failing in the arena of discipline?
I find this question relating to many aspects in life. Bhajan singing. If I don't really adore someone else's singing, am I not being judgmental? The problem is with me, is it not? But at the same time, only when good singers sing and discipline is followed do bhajans achieve their collective purpose.
In a team project, if we find that a member does not contribute up to what we think is his best constantly, what do we do? We have two options: 1. Be ignorant, and you can still see the God in him. 2. Talk to him about it. But then, you have judged the person now.
How can we achieve discipline and non-judgment at the same time?
Soumya:
You have hit on the exact problem of parenthood, which is a very specific form of leadership. This is a problem that I have grappled with all these years and I have made some progress but I'm really still working on this.
First of all, I think that one of the main lessons of leadership is that, from the leader's point of view, the exercise is really for you to learn how to lead and the path is the particular project. If we think that the project is really the outcome and the path is for us to learn, I believe that we will have trouble. This understanding helps because we can then strive for the best possible project outcome but at the same time be detached about the project outcome.
Secondly, I think that whatever trait we are trying to inculcate into the others, we must examine that we are doing it to our utmost.
Thirdly, what to do about when we see deficiencies? I think that people don't perform up to a certain standard when they don't inherently believe that they can. As a leader, pushing them is important, not just to get the project done, but to show them something that they don't believe in themselves. I think that then you are truly not judging. You are not saying, "Look, you can't do this; you aren't disciplined", etc. You are actually saying, "You may not believe you are capable of discipline, but I'll show you that you are!" This is what really good teachers do to you--they force you to strive harder and push you till you believe you can. It is kind of like what a personal trainer does--when you don't think you can run another lap, he forces you to.
All of this is possible only when you see the larger picture that the project is the path for you to develop as a person who visualizes other people as better than they presently appear to be and for the workers to develop the different skills and abilities and character required by the project. It can really only happen when everyone strives but the outcome of the project is left in God's hands.
Every time things don't happen like the way we think it is supposed to, we visualize people as incapable. We stop believing in their ability. Our presumption about them starts to haunt us. That is precisely what judgment is. Instead, if we continue to set examples of how to do the job the best possible way and be the happiest people on earth, there are very few ways to motivate them better! The most important thing is that deep down in your heart you should believe that they can do it. That is the way you see the God in them. A 'deficiency' to you will naturally not seem like one. It will seem like an opportunity to motivate people. Even if there is just a little bit of uncertainty in your mind in the first place, you have absolutely no reason to inspire them to believe in themselves.
Soumya's reply inspired me to compose this poem.
Vish:
A question has been lingering in my mind, and I've been seeking an answer for a while now, but it still has remained. I just want to share it with you.
An aspect of good leadership is making sure that the team maintains discipline. Discipline is very important so that the group stays focused on its task. Not everyone can do everything, so it is important that the best people do it. People who are responsible for getting things done should be disciplined and ensure that they deliver what is expected of them.
The other facet of (not necessarily exclusive to) leadership is being non-judgmental about the people we work with. It is our reposibility to ensure that each and everyone brings their best to the table, and let God work through them. This is best done when there is no fear of failure and when people are non-judgemental. We should let the person be whoever he/she is by accepting them from within our hearts and enjoy the God within them.
The problem I see here is that we cannot really make sure there is discipline without being judgemental of others. If once we find that there is no discipline, we have already judged haven't we?
How can I see God in people and say that "The person (who is God) is not perfect yet" at the same time? But then, if I don't do that, am I not being ignorant of the task to complete, thus failing in the arena of discipline?
I find this question relating to many aspects in life. Bhajan singing. If I don't really adore someone else's singing, am I not being judgmental? The problem is with me, is it not? But at the same time, only when good singers sing and discipline is followed do bhajans achieve their collective purpose.
In a team project, if we find that a member does not contribute up to what we think is his best constantly, what do we do? We have two options: 1. Be ignorant, and you can still see the God in him. 2. Talk to him about it. But then, you have judged the person now.
How can we achieve discipline and non-judgment at the same time?
Soumya:
You have hit on the exact problem of parenthood, which is a very specific form of leadership. This is a problem that I have grappled with all these years and I have made some progress but I'm really still working on this.
First of all, I think that one of the main lessons of leadership is that, from the leader's point of view, the exercise is really for you to learn how to lead and the path is the particular project. If we think that the project is really the outcome and the path is for us to learn, I believe that we will have trouble. This understanding helps because we can then strive for the best possible project outcome but at the same time be detached about the project outcome.
Secondly, I think that whatever trait we are trying to inculcate into the others, we must examine that we are doing it to our utmost.
Thirdly, what to do about when we see deficiencies? I think that people don't perform up to a certain standard when they don't inherently believe that they can. As a leader, pushing them is important, not just to get the project done, but to show them something that they don't believe in themselves. I think that then you are truly not judging. You are not saying, "Look, you can't do this; you aren't disciplined", etc. You are actually saying, "You may not believe you are capable of discipline, but I'll show you that you are!" This is what really good teachers do to you--they force you to strive harder and push you till you believe you can. It is kind of like what a personal trainer does--when you don't think you can run another lap, he forces you to.
All of this is possible only when you see the larger picture that the project is the path for you to develop as a person who visualizes other people as better than they presently appear to be and for the workers to develop the different skills and abilities and character required by the project. It can really only happen when everyone strives but the outcome of the project is left in God's hands.
Every time things don't happen like the way we think it is supposed to, we visualize people as incapable. We stop believing in their ability. Our presumption about them starts to haunt us. That is precisely what judgment is. Instead, if we continue to set examples of how to do the job the best possible way and be the happiest people on earth, there are very few ways to motivate them better! The most important thing is that deep down in your heart you should believe that they can do it. That is the way you see the God in them. A 'deficiency' to you will naturally not seem like one. It will seem like an opportunity to motivate people. Even if there is just a little bit of uncertainty in your mind in the first place, you have absolutely no reason to inspire them to believe in themselves.
Soumya's reply inspired me to compose this poem.
First Believe in Thy heart,
cause Thou nature art God;
Then inspire Thy neighbor to Believe in his,
cause he often forgets he art God too;
But only after Thou start Believing in him,
cause he will see the God within - only using Thy eyes!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
"Balance'" your thoughts
Divinity is reached by the absence of thought in one's mind. Is that the only way, or is it possible to realize Divinity from a "balance" in thought? Then what exactly does this "balance" mean?
I think it means acceptance of what happens around us, and taking it at face value. Usually in our minds, one thought triggers another, which triggers a second one and so on. If we observe carefully, our thought processes are more or less like a network, one leading to another and another, sometimes back to where we started from and is sometimes a complete mess. The more such triggering, the more chaos and worrisome our mind gets. The lesser this chain reaction of thoughts, the more peaceful and happy it is.
The idea is to make this network of thoughts simpler and simpler and less deeper as we progress in our life. This is what I believe is "balancing" of thoughts.
"Balancing" thoughts will slowly lead to times when there is a momentary absence of thought, and that is when we feel peace. And the more often we experience this so called peace, the more closer we are towards Divinity.
Conclusion: When you are thinking too much, stop! And Act. There is no better way to stop your thoughts than acting. After all what is Love? Isn't it action where necessary without thought? It is not a feeling or emotion which basically starts from a thought.
I think it means acceptance of what happens around us, and taking it at face value. Usually in our minds, one thought triggers another, which triggers a second one and so on. If we observe carefully, our thought processes are more or less like a network, one leading to another and another, sometimes back to where we started from and is sometimes a complete mess. The more such triggering, the more chaos and worrisome our mind gets. The lesser this chain reaction of thoughts, the more peaceful and happy it is.
The idea is to make this network of thoughts simpler and simpler and less deeper as we progress in our life. This is what I believe is "balancing" of thoughts.
"Balancing" thoughts will slowly lead to times when there is a momentary absence of thought, and that is when we feel peace. And the more often we experience this so called peace, the more closer we are towards Divinity.
Conclusion: When you are thinking too much, stop! And Act. There is no better way to stop your thoughts than acting. After all what is Love? Isn't it action where necessary without thought? It is not a feeling or emotion which basically starts from a thought.
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