It is time.

Pay-per-channel cable TV

2011-09-11T15:55:00.005-07:00

I wonder why the pay-per-channel model has not been given a serious try by any cable company. Out of the hundreds of channels that we get on our cable TV, 75% of them are nonsense for us. I'd prefer to pay for specific programming than accept everything as a bundle if there were such an option. I am sure there are so many people like me who would opt-in for cable TV if they could choose specific channels and pay according to their choices instead of paying the ridiculous monthly Comcast/UVerse bill.

Here are some articles that talk about it.

http://ideas.theatlantic.com/2009/07/make_cable_tv_pay-per-channel.php

http://articles.latimes.com/2011/aug/26/business/la-fi-lazarus-20110826

I would love to see MBA folks do some research and come up with a convincing, logical argument that the pay-per-channel model would or would not be better for providers as well as consumers. To me the first common-sense conclusion seems to be that it would be better. Here is my reason: By paying money for stuff that people don't consume, time and resources are wasted. If people had that money in their pockets because of the reduced price, they could spend it on a more worthwhile product, and that keeps the economy ball rolling, jobs for more, more money in the hands of people, more GDP.

I am considering dropping cable TV in a couple of weeks and instead buying a Roku + HD antenna + reactivating Netflix. Cable TV is not worth $80 per month.

Windows complaint

2011-09-04T12:24:00.005-07:00

This is my first blog in an effort to "see" ways to build better software. You'll hopefully see me write more about how to improve existing applications.

Why does Windows log me in and make me wait before I can open any application? I'd rather see the hourglass spin longer. Its a lot like the waiter bringing food to a hungry table, and asking the customer to wait for 5 minutes before eating.

Photography Cheat Sheet

2011-09-04T09:39:00.003-07:00

After deferring the purchase of more photography equipment that has been in my wish-list for several years now, I finally went ahead and splurged. It was time to really read end-to-end the photography book my wife gifted for our first anniversary.

Here is a summary/cheat sheet:

Shutter Priority

Use this mode when you are capture moving subjects. The shutter speed you set will affect the type of picture you create depending on how fast the elements of the picture are moving. Use automatic mode (such as P), press the shutter relase half way through and get the light meter evaluated shutter speed. Switch to Tv mode and provide a reduced or increased shutter speed. i.e. expose it for a longer or shorter time than shown by the light meter to get the desired effect.

It is a waterfall/fountain and you want to get a softer flowing-water effect. Decrease the shutter speed.
It is evening/night time and you are in a place like an amusement park or the street where there are moving lights. Slow down the shutter speed to half a second or longer to get the blur-effect. You may need to use a good tripod, and may need to use the remote or timed shutter release to avoid shakes.
You are capturing action and excitement. Like kids playing at the pool, or a whale diving out of the water at SeaWorld, or a boxer punching his opponent. Use a high shutter speed to capture action at the right fraction of a second. Sometimes, using continuous mode to click successive pictures may give you a better chance of one good picture.
You are capturing quick movement - like a fast train. Or a baseball batsman swinging at incredible speed. Decrease the shutter speed by one
You can take the picture from a moving object like a vehicle and get the reverse effect of a blurry road. Add still subjects to the same frame (like the vehicle itself) to highlight motion.
Panning can be used to picture racing cars. It results in a blurry effect on everything else but the car. Pan your camera smoothly along the path of the car such that it appears in the same position on the frame. Shoot with a slower shutter speed. Use continuous frames mode and fire away.
You want to picture a flying bird which is flying fast across from left to right. To get a sharply focused bird, use a fast shutter speed.
Use a slower shutter speed if you want to picture rain or sprinkling water.

Aperture Priority

Use this mode to control depth-of-field i.e. the range of elements in the picture that are in sharp focus.

Use higher f-stops (smaller apertures) like f/16 or f/22 to get deeper depth-of-field, i.e. when you want to capture background as well as foreground elements sharply. Use it in combination with wide angle lenses to get interesting landscape pictures. Come closer to the subject and provide interesting backgrounds (like clouds, mountains and sky) in focus.
Use lower f-stops (larger apertures) like f/1.8 or f/2.8 to get narrow depth-of-field. You can also move further away from the subject and zoom in to get narrow depth of field. Larger focal length can provide the same effect and can be used to reduce the depth-of-field further.
Use apertures f/8 or f/11 (midway between apertures for shallow and deep depth-of-field) for pictures where all subjects are at same distance and where depth-of-field is not a concern at all. With f/8 & f/11 pictures turn out to be sharp and with higher contrast levels.
Use shallow depth of field with the subject against a colorful and contrasting blurred background.
Use the depth-of-field-preview button on the camera to see the correct preview of subjects in focus.

Exposure Compensation

Most times, the light meter in your camera does a good job at calculating the exposure needed for the picture. But in some situations it is fooled when dominant colors are present in your frame thus making your picture look too dark or too light. Adjust the compensation by rotating the dial while pressing the AV+/- button

While shooting frames where there is a lot of greenery (combined with white or dark subjects like waterfal or dark sky), the default exposure metering results in the green colors to be overexposed and dark. Hence adjust the exposure by -2 stops.
While shooting scenes that are mainly white (snowy background, at the sea), increase exposure by one or two stops.

AE Locking

Many times you want exposure metering done against a specific area in your picture as against the camera's way of metering the entire frame. In these sitations, point your lens to the specific subject to be metered and instead of half-clicking the shutter release, press the AE lock (*) button to lock the exposure values. Then recompose the picture to include other elements and shoot.

An alternative to the overexposed green subject problem is to use AE locking to focus first on the greenery, then lock the exposure values and subsequently recompose the picture.
Taking exposure metering off the sky sometimes helps in correctly exposing snow filled landscapes and other difficult lighting or low-light situations. Point camera to the sky (blue, dusky, orange) and lock the exposure values before recomposing your photo. In coastal areas, lakes or beaches, metering the reflected sky (water) is also a good idea.
Silhouettes can be shot by first focusing on the bright background, locking the exposure values and then recomposing the picture.
As a generic rule when you are posed with difficult lighting conditions, pick the area of the frame which needs to be correctly exposed. Point your camera to that subject exclusively and get the light metering off it.

I am now reading a book on flash photography. Hopefully my next post will be soon, with some summaries on that topic.

Teaching children

2010-10-28T10:59:00.009-07:00

I would want to teach my children

cause and effect more than right and wrong
that happiness is what ultimately matters in life
that everyone else's happiness matters as much as ours
to believe that anything is possible if we put out heart, mind and soul into it
to fear nothing in life
and try.

WeSignup.com

2010-04-11T08:01:00.006-07:00

In the last few months, I have been working on a website that helps people organize projects in a simple manner. Here is a use case for this website.

Jim registers for the Rock'n Roll Paintathon project this year. The goal is to organize a 10-20 member team to paint the home of a low-income elderly person. Jim plans to ask his friends to join in this worthy effort.

Jim's friends are different types of people. Some are passionate about volunteering. Others are driven more because they have fun working along with their friends. Some don't have the time to come but have no issues in offering their ladders, vans and tools for the job. Several more are interested in contributing financially for the effort. Thus, each of his friends have different things to offer. Jim does not know all of them well enough to guess who can offer what.

So he organizes his project as follows:

1. Need 2 people to go to painting orientation (on Aug 16 at 6pm) and lead/monitor the painting job on paint day.
2. One or two to visit home owner 10-15 days before paint day and talk to them about what they are planning for the day.
3. Need four 6 foot ladders
4. One tall 12 foot ladder
5. Need an SUV or van to transport these ladders
6. Need food money for all the volunteers
7. One person to pickup bagels, water and drinks for everyone at 8am.
8. One person to pickup lunch for everyone from Subway at 12 noon.
9. Need 15 painting volunteers
10. 2 volunteers pick up and bring paint supplies from the organizers
11. 1 volunteer to return unused paint supplies back to the organizers
12. 1 volunteer to use the SUV/van, collect all the ladders from owners and bring them to the site. Same person returns the ladder and vehicle to the owners.

He goes to http://www.wesignup.com and creates a new signup sheet by adding the details. He adds as participants all friends who may be interested in helping out.

Sindhu gets an email from Jim about the Paintathon project. Jim has described the project well to convey the value of the entire effort. Sindhu is able to see that it is indeed a large effort and needs a lot of help. She clicks on the email link and finds that she is able to login to Sygnup using her existing Gmail or Yahoo account safely. There was no need to create new accounts and passwords. She signs up for #9 painting volunteer and also the "#3 can-offer-6-foot-ladder" tasks.

Shane is a gregarious extrovert. He has been seeing that all his friends have been chattering about the upcoming painting project. He decides to reopen the email he got from Jim last week to see who are coming. He logs in to Sygnup and finds that Nathan, Praveen, Meena and the whole group have actually signed up. He knows it is going to be fun. He signs up.

Jim has been monitoring the signup sheet for several days now. He thinks the project is good now, and has sufficient people. He sends himself a report of all the participants who have signed up. He gathers all their emails so he can send them an important announcement regarding the project...

WeSignup designed to:

Give the participants visibility to the entire effort involved in the project so that people know that their contribution is indeed important.
Orient the organizer to think in terms of how he can break down his project into concrete tasks that individuals can own and drive.
Create a sense of ownership and responsibility for participants
Create an easy way so people can sign up for what they like and what they are good at instead of being assigned something that they may not be interested in.
Recognize that each person is different and brings different things to the table.
Make good use of group tendencies - "All of my friends are in, let me join too". And the other way too - "Its been so long, and not many have signed up yet. Let me join. Looks like I am really needed here."

Do send me feedback on what you think about this.

Sep, 17, 2010 Update: I changed the domain name of the website from www.sygnup.com to www.wesignup,com

A 2-liner

2009-07-31T21:46:00.004-07:00

When you have received something you need without even asking for it, you are loved.
When you give something someone needs without waiting for them to ask, you love.

Remote Tech Support

2009-07-25T11:26:00.003-07:00

Most of us would have faced this. Our not-so-tech-savvy parents living away need to do something complex on their machine - like install a web cam driver, or setup some app - and we want to help them remotely.

I found a reference to an approach on lifehacker using VNC to do just this and got it to work successfully with my folks in India.

http://www.raymond.cc/blog/archives/2007/04/05/free-and-easy-remote-access-with-vnc-reverse-connections/

Forwarding port on my router admin application was also easy, and didn't really require a special tool. Also important is to disable the port forward after the session is over.

Let me know if you guys need any help!

What's next on the Web

2009-07-15T12:21:00.002-07:00

Since last week or so, I have been trying to find a very very simple but useful app which I would construct to start my experience developing with GWT. I wanted the web app to serve a useful purpose. That was and is my most important goal. I would say that so far, I haven't been very successful. I came up with some ideas, but they wouldn't be anything special and more useful than something that already exists out there.

Here is an opinion, or rather a question.

I think web technology in the last decade or so has crossed an important barrier in its providing us abilities to communicate effectively. The advent of social networks has made people feel more connected than before. IP voice, chats, video conferencing, photo & video sharing on internet have all helped us stay much closer to people & information, more effectively and at lesser costs in recent times. Web 2.0 was the era of improving communication. Perhaps it was the weakest problem that had the most impact on most people's lives. And technologists pounced on it.

Is communication still the most important problem now? Will more solutions for general communication problems still have significant benefit? Or are there other (perhaps weaker) problems whose solutions will have a far greater impact in how we do things?

Just trying to change the way I think...

Superstitions

2009-07-11T13:59:00.004-07:00

Its funny to see how superstitions have slowly gained more importance in my life as I have become older. I can still vividly recall the days being the lone guy who didn't bother to pay my exam fees on a Tuesday (considered a not so good day). My close friends would wait for the auspicious days to do that important action. At that time, I honestly didn't care too much about rank or recognition. I wasn't scared of anything - I felt I had nothing to lose. I believed I was the one who created my destiny. And you know what! I ended up with a university rank!

Comparing those days with now, I seem to have a lot more now that I feel I cannot afford to lose. My achievements, how people perceive me, my wife and family, my relationship with my friends etc. I really seem to need them now! In those days, I would dare to my mother and hand her the salt box without placing it on the table. (Changing salt hand to hand directly is considered a taboo and it is believed that the two people involved will fight if they do.) Now-a-days, I seem to think twice before I try that. I once yelled at my wife when she cut her nails carelessly in the living room. (It is said that if one steps over another's nail, they will fight).

I remember a few years ago I had a prolonged disagreement with a friend, and I remember that I had lent him salt. Perhaps, it was a coincidence, but it has registered in my mind as a probable cause. Such unwelcome incidents just happen and our brain creates connections from past experiences, and it just comes up magically with the reasons!

But the bigger message I want to convey is that it is indeed amazing to know how we gradually hold on to things in our lives! We tighten the grip as time goes on; we don't want to let go of them at all!

I guess I am ok with it. It is just a game I am willing to play!

Stories from our Europe Visit

2009-06-05T05:05:00.027-07:00

This post describes the prominent experiences from our Europe Trip. It is going to be a rather long post on demand from our friends and relatives!

Paragliding at Interlaken: The highlight of the entire trip without any doubt was the 15 to 20 minutes we spent Paragliding in the air at Interlaken. One of the best experiences - especially with two lakes below, bright green forest covered mountains around, and snow capped Alps in the horizon! Paragliding is supposed to be a very safe sport when done properly - much safer than hand gliding or sky diving. We were told that it was becoming more and more popular lately among the adventurers. It is not as much an adrenaline pumping sport really. The calm peace in the air was breathtaking. We did it in tandem with our pilots (they call themselves a pilot even though they are not maneuvering a plane). The group was driven up the hill at Beatenberg in a van up to the launching point which is kind of a 45 degree meadow slope. 800m below was Interlaken and the two lakes. The pilot helped us with the gear, and then opened up the parachutes which surprisingly fit in an extra-large sized backpack. We wait in line seeing others run just about 5 to 10 steps gently down the hill before their chute opens up, and off they glide, smoothly into the air. It did not appear difficult or risky watching them do it. My wife was a little nervous that morning, but was comfortable with all that went on. She took off with her pilot ahead of me, and about three or four take offs after that was my turn. It was as simple as I saw others doing it. Before even I could think of being scared, we were in the air, and I was sitting comfortably in my seat with the glorious view around me. I had requested for a longer flight time, but the thermal conditions were not feasible that day. To glide upwards, rising hot air is essential, and the weather was not warm enough to prevent the descent. We landed after about 15 minutes on an open field right next to where we started. The landing was very simple, much like a 3 foot jump and a couple of steps along with the momentum. It was beautiful to watch the parachutes deflate and hit the ground as others in the group took turns to land. The ecstasy after that experience would be long remembered.

Black Forest: I had been all excited about this hike from months before the trip. My brother who was here before had many good things to say about the Black Forest, and all the information I got from my research concurred. But here was our problem. That morning when we planned to hike, we found that rain and thunderstorms were expected the whole day. Feldberg, where we wanted to hike was about 90 minutes away from Freiburg which was our base. Logistics and weather predictions at Heidelberg (planned for the next day) prevented us from swapping the trips. It was not raining yet at Freiburg, so we just decided to take the train/bus to Feldberg and defer the decision to hike when we were there.

As we rode in the train within the Black Forest towards Feldberg, we could see why it was fantastic to hike out here. Apparently, hiking was "invented" here! We reached our destination (Feldbergerhof) with lots of hopes. But to our ill luck, we found the starting point for the hike situated up the hill completely covered with fog. It was disappointing to hear further from the folks out there that rain was imminent. The scenery around us was nevertheless beautiful. The wetness enhanced the bright green color and everything was clean and pristine. It was nature at its best! But, all the more reason for us to be disappointed! :-(

Having come all the way, we decided we were not going to leave empty handed. We bought the tickets and took the cable car up the hill anyway. We would further defer the decision to hike once we got up there. It was not raining yet, so we would have three options - hike back down the same hill quickly, do the long 4 hour hike, or the short 2 hour hike. If the weather didn't improve, we could take the cable car back down. We passed in the cable car through the dense fog up to the top of the hill. Miraculously, the fog cleared almost as soon as we hit the top. The view from the top into the horizon was superb, but it was still overcast and cloudy. Decision time again. That was when we made the call of the trip!

We decided on the shorter version of the Feldberg hike for two hours. I had the map which Black Forest Tourism folks had sent to us as part of the brochures. Looking at the hiking path map may help understand our story. From the Bismarkdenkmal at the end of the cable car ride, we would take the shorter route down via the Emil-Thoma Weg, the steep descent down to Raimartihof hut, walk around Feldsee lake and climb up back towards Feldbergerhof, close to the cable car base where we started. The hike was beautiful. We saw grass covered meadows, little streams gushing underneath remnants of winter ice, dense forest, small wooden bridges across cascades, sound of all kinds of birds chirping in happiness (I am sure!), freshly sprouting greenery all around like we've never seen before, sliced tree trunks cut into chips and placed neatly on the wet portions of the path, beds of little yellow springtime flowers! To hike under the sun in the Black Forest would certainly be an experience, but to hike under the clouds was I think was even better. It was a treat. We clicked photographs away to glory. Now and then we said hi to other hikers young and old who were enjoying the same moments. We checked and ensured with them that we were indeed heading in the right direction. After all, we were not the only ones who decided to hike the Black Forest that cloudy day.

We ate the Subway Sandwich we brought as we walked and used the time the Rain Gods gave us efficiently. Soon enough, we came to a unmarked fork. Should we choose left or right ? The left path was wider, but the right one seemed to go in the direction to Feldsee. The right one was also descending, which was expected because the lake was down below. So we chose to go right. The descent was gradual as it had been so far. However, the path seemed to be unused and deserted as we walked further, and it soon was a growing concern. I decided that we would go further down a bit and then decide. Fortunately we hit what appeared to be a dust road. A sign indicated the direction to Feldsee. Ah ha, we were not lost after all! Further down, we saw a path sign directing to Raimartihof hut, which was further reassurance. However, the satisfaction was almost immediately stunted when we saw the "Path Closed" sign a few yards ahead. A slipping stick figure indicated why. It was written in English too, which meant that it was indeed important and to be heeded (most signs out there were only in German). According to my map, the distance to Feldsee was not too much from where I thought we were, and the slipping sign made sense because we wouldn't have descended much enough from where we last saw the lake, and it would have to be a very steep descent. No taking risks in other directions now because (a) we didn't have enough time - we had to take the last train out early evening. (b) it was cloudy and rain was imminent (c) my wife has not hiked down steep terrains before.

I decided that we would climb back up the way we came. I remembered that we saw a marked intersection much before we met the unmarked fork. That intersection had a shorter 1.5 km marked path towards Feldbergerhof, which would safely take us back to where we started. We made climbed up, and slowy but steadily met our "fork of adventure" and then hiked up again to meet our "intersection of safety." The path towards Feldbergerhof was almost flat and very pleasant. It was still not raining, but the clouds were getting thick and dark. It didn't take us too long before the cable car base station came in sight to our relief. Rain was the perfect end to our hike - and it had to be. they were patient for so long! The last 300 meters or so, we walked together towards shelter under one umbrella with the rain and wind blowing against us.

Schilthorn: The Schilthorn day was more a well planned and deterministic experience than what the Black Forest would later be in our trip. We had two excursion options in the Alps. The first one was by train to Jungfraujoch (pronounced YOONG-frau-YOKE), the highest train station in Europe on Mount Jungfrau which is the tallest peak in the Alps. Or we could go to Schilthorn which is a vantage point with great view of the snow-capped Alps including Jungfrau. Both of us agreed on the latter because we were told that we would enjoy it better if we had already played with snow (plenty at Jungfraujoch) and that it was a better value for the money.

We started from Interlaken in a train to Lauterbrunnen, a little town in the valley between two huge mountain ranges. This map may help visualize. A cable car took us upwards on the south side cliffs to Grutschalp. The ride in the cable car was a little crowded but had exhilarating views of the valley down below covered with green meadows, pine trees and little cabins. We then hiked for about 2 hours to Murren along the ridge towards the snow capped mountains in view ahead of us. Jungfrau was one of them. From Murren, we took another cable car to Birg and then up to Schilthorn. There was a 360 degree view of the majestic mountains out on the top. It was a good time for lunch at the revolving restaurant. Dhal Makhni in the menu was no surprise by then because we had been seeing Indians all around us. Switzerland appears to be a favorite destination for our folks. Apparently Bollywood films shoot very often here with the mountains as the backdrop.

The descent was via Birg, to Murren, to Gimmelwald, then to Stechelberg, all by cable cars. We chose to hike the segment from to Murren to Gimmelwald. A bus then took us from Stechelberg to Lauterbrunnen and we took trains towards Grindelwald from there. The night was to be spent at Grindelwald.

The lowlight of the day was the tired return trip back to Lauterbrunnen as soon as something hit our minds at Grindelwald. We had locked our bags in the locker at Lauterbrunnen station in the morning and forgot to pick it up on our way back. :-(

Neuschwanstein Castle Tour: This was another high during our trip. We went along with Mikes's Bike Tours who did a very good job of planning out the day. If anyone is visiting Munich, these guys are much recommended. We left early to Fussen by train, two hours from Munich. A bus took us to the base of the mountain where the castle stands. The castle looked beautiful from below, nestled amidst the dense green trees. After a quick tomato-cheese sandwich lunch along with a history lesson from our guide, we took a quick glance of Hoenschwangau castle (where King Ludwig II who built the castle grew) and started a very steep 30 minute hike upwards. The guide seemed ruthless as he continued without stopping regularly, but it was for a reason. The castle interior tour ticket had a designated start time and there was nothing you could do if you missed your time slot. The tour was worth it. You could see why they called him "Mad King Ludwig" after seeing how extravagantly he spent on the castle. He apparently died mysteriously before he could complete the castle, and our guide was with the opinion that he was murdered to stop the crazy spending.

Our group then hiked down the mountain along a waterfall gorge, and walked towards Tegelberg a beautiful mountain in that area. We rode on the Alpine Slide, a 5 minute thrill-slide down from the top of a hill upon a bobsled on wheels. Then the 1 hour bike tour around the area - which was fantastic. I had not touched a bike since going to school at ASU, and my wife hadn't since her high school days! The scenery around was fantastic and that that was the best part of biking out there. A bus brought the exhausted group back to Fussen station in the evening. The day long busy but fascinating tour ended with some magic by our guide before we boarded the train at Fussen. He was apparently a student at a German school of magic. The two hour train ride via Buchloe brought us back to Munich and we deservedly hit the bed almost immediately.

Boring Rhine: It was with a lot of expectation that we planned for the Rhine Cruise. The Rick Steve and several other tour books marked it a "must-see" and the best thing to do in Germany. But we personally thought that it was not worth all the hype. It was beautiful no doubt, but it was not something that couldn't have been skipped. We did the 50km stretch from Koblenz to Bingen called the "Romantic Rhine" and recommended by many. The six hours on the ship we must say was rather boring and probably too long. The brief views of the castles every 30 minutes or so gathered some interest in the beginning, but at the end we didn't even bother looking out. There was nothing much to do on the ship other than have lunch and dessert, both of which we did. Perhaps the boredom was also because we already had a blitz view of those castles when we went the other direction by train the previous evening. And perhaps, our previous cruise on Lake Luzern and paddle-boat ride on Thunersee brought us to our saturation levels on boats.

Other moments in our trip worth mentioning
I was personally annoyed by the fact that many restaurants in Europe denied to serve us free drinking water. It was ridiculous. What was even more stupid was they did not allow outside water. Most stations and public places did not have a water fountain. The only decent way to get a drink was to buy the 3.40 Swiss Franc small water bottle. In our first thirsty experience, we bought one of those bottles to find that it was actually the carbonated bitter water which we could not even sip. Too bad you can't read German! But then, that purchase didn't go for a total toss. We saved the bottle and from then on, used it to fill tap water from our hotel rooms and carried along with us.

It was evident from our excellent trip that Germany has risen up from their racist history of the Nazi era, but I could still feel hostility at times. Once was on our last day in Germany at Munich station. It was a four hour expected wait for us before we could board our train to Zurich. Since we had Eurail 1st class tickets, I inquired at the counter if we could use the DB Lounge (a waiting area designated for 1st class passengers). The man in the counter trying hard to make himself sound polite responded tersely by saying that DB 1st class customers paid 2000 Euros every year and I was not to use the DB Lounge under any circumstance. Yes - he used the precise words "under any circumstance". I could not stop taking offense to that statement. But I left it at that because he was the only English speaking person there, and I had to get as much information from him about our upcoming journey.

Switzerland on the other hand was excellent. A very hospitable country indeed. Very accommodating in terms of language as well. Most signs and announcements were in English too, and people were more friendly. I have stayed in many hotels before, but I must vouch for the fact that the most hospitable hoteliers I have been with was Usula and Chris at Hotel Rugenpark, Interlaken where we stayed for 3 nights. They were FANTASTIC and took wonderful care of us. Anyone going there is assured of excellent service and personal care. They helped us with everything - planning what to see and do, booking tickets, filling us in with restaurant ideas and were more than willing to answer all my questions very patiently. Reminded me of how we are supposed to be treating others.

One final thing I must mention even though this post is going really long is about the trains in Europe. They were excellent and very reliable! I think we boarded more than about 40 trains, boats and buses in our trip (we were surprised too when we counted) and almost all of them departed and arrived on the scheduled minute or so. During our journey between Luzern and Interlaken, a coach's electric line burst and became disabled at a station on the way. The coach was promptly removed from the train in just about 10 minutes, and we still made it to Interlaken on time. The kind conductor confirmed the details of our next connection and even offered to phone the other train to hold on for us in case there was a delay.

Schweiz & Deutschland

2009-06-03T04:17:00.014-07:00

My wife and I just came back from a 10 day trip to Switzerland and Germany. Very beautiful countries - well worth the money and time for the visit. If any of you are planning to go there, do let me know and I can make some good recommendations.

Let me start with why we chose these two countries.

Since the visit was planned for 10 days, variety in experience was most important so we would not get bored doing and seeing the same things.
Although both of us appreciated art to a good extent, we were not ready to invest our time and money entirely on museums and monuments which pervade several European countries. Europe has a rich history and I should commend them for having preserved it in its greatest form, but unless you are a historian or deeply into art forms, you would not appreciate it to the level deserved. Both of us admire nature to a far greater level than museums. Switzerland has the Alps which I have always pictured in my mind for a long time. Germany has the greenery and castles and rivers. It brings in the right blend of nature and history, so we would also experience its historical significance too.
Quality was important than quantity, so we kept to just two countries instead of scrambling far across cities in the continent. There was enough variety for 10 days in Switzerland and Germany. Moreover, adding more countries in the Eurail pass costs much more than additional days in the same country.

Reluctant to splurge with travel agents and vacation planners, I spent several months on persistent research to find out what the best places were to visit in the ten days we planned to be there. It is indeed less expensive to do it yourself. For us, all costs (including visa, tickets, food and any related expense) for 10 days totaled to around USD4100, which was no where close to what others offered for 5 days. Planning ourselves worked out excellently well because we decided what we want to see, and could dynamically change when we wanted. Researching was itself a nice way to learn about the places of significance. It ended up being more satisfying at the end of the day because we did it all by ourselves!

These were our best sources of information.

Rick Steve's Germany & Rick Steve's Switzerland - I got these books from the local public library and carried them with me during the trip. Wonderful books with a lot of good information. Very comprehensive, and eliminated the need for a guide in several places. His short suggestions on logistics for some places are excellent, but many times very brief - not fully understandable by a person new to the place. You will need to follow up and get more detail from other sources, perhaps from people at the point of interest itself.
My brother and sister in law who have visited and lived in Germany for a while.
Tourism websites for the specific cities we chose to visit.
TripAdvisor.com for hotel reviews, reviews on attractions and things to do, posting questions whose answers I could not find elsewhere on the internet. Great site! Very helpful community. Every passionate traveler should become a member, contribute and share.
Kayak.com for hotels and flight tickets.
Phone. This was the BEST source of reliable information for me! Reading from books and Internet is one thing, but speaking on the phone directly with the people you will be dealing with there is the best thing you can do from home. I used prepaid computer-to-phone service using Yahoo Voice. Germany calls were around 1 cent a minute and Switzerland calls were around 2 cents a minute. I just prepaid the minimum $10 which was more than sufficient for me.

We took a 5-day Germany-Switzerland Eurail Saver Flexi Pass. It was strange that the saver pass was available only for 1st class, but it was nevertheless good because the 1st class coaches are relatively empty and calm. It came to $350 a person, which is excellent considering cost of travel here in the US. We decided to keep our luggage light since we would need to be really mobile. So each of us had just the small pull-along suitcase along with a backpack. We decided to spend money on laundry in the middle of our trip and reuse our clothes.

Food was a very important concern keeping in mind our vegetarian diet. An option was to pack, but it was out of the question considering the time and effort for cooking during the trip, and the luggage restriction we placed for ourselves. Here is what we did. We carried with us a box of cereal bars each. We decided to buy fruits along our way regularly. I found several places to eat from vegetarian restaurant sites like www.happycow.net. I even found that the Subway Sandwich chain is widespread in Germany. Searching for Indian restaurants in Google maps also worked well. The maps and notes about the restaurants I prepared and took with us was well worth it. But I must say however that by the time we came back home, we were really longing for some home cooked food. We were tired of the bread-butter-jam, sweet cereals and sandwich routine. What we wanted was some traditional home-cooked Vettha Kozhambu, Rasam Saadam, Applam, Beans curry and most importantly, Thair Saadam. And if possible, all this on a vaazhai elai! Thoughts of these delicacies were pervading our minds during the last few days of our trip!

For cash, we carried with us travelers checks for safety, but we mostly relied on our ATM cards. Before leaving, I notified our banks and credit card companies about our travel plans so they would not block our withdrawals for suspicious activity. I found out that the best card in our pocket with the least fees was the Bank Of America debit card. It had the least exchange fee of 1%. We didn't expect the $5 ATM fee charged each time by BOA while we drew cash in Switzerland. [I was told in TripAdvisor that ATMs in Europe never charged ATM fee]. However, withdrawals from Deutsche Bank in Germany (partner of BOA) was excellent - no exchange fee, no ATM fee. The exchange rates offered were excellent and on par with the then rates.

Here was our actual itinerary very briefly. I would say we stuck to about 80% of what we planned initially. We changed dynamically depending on the weather and interest in variety.

Day 0: Fly out of EWR to ZRH in the evening hours.

Day 1: Landed in ZRH in the morning hours - Cleaned up quickly - to-go breakfast from airport fast food - Train to Luzern - Luggage in station locker - Self-guided walking tour of old town - Lowendenkmal monument - Lunch at Kanchi Indian Restuarant - 2 hour cruise on Lake Luzern - Golden Pass Route (scenic train) to Interlaken West - check-in to Rugenpark B&B - Dinner at Little India - town walk - crash for the day

Day 2: Breakfast at hotel - Paragliding in Beatenberg (highlight of the trip) - Interlaken scenic river walk - Lunch at Welcome India - Bus to Neuhaus - Unsuccessful attempt to boat in Lake Thunersee (no rentals available) - back to Interlaken by bus - some shopping - dinner at Tamil Take Out Shop (bad one) - crash for the day at Rugenpark B&B.

Day 3: Breakfast at hotel - Train to Lauterbrunnen - Luggage in lockers - Cable up to Grutschalp - Hike to Murren - Cable to Birg - Cable up to Schilthorn - Lunch at Revolving Restaurant - Cable down to Murren - Hike down to Gimmelwald - Cable down to Stechelberg - Bus to Lauterbrunnen - Luggage from locker - Train to Grindelwald via Zweilütschinen - Pick up pizza dinner - checkin to Mountain Hostel - eat and crash for the day

Day 4: Breakfast at hostel - Relax - Walk around Grindelwald - Train back to Interlaken West - bus to Neuhaus - Pedal boat rental on Lake Thunersee - Ate packed lunch in middle of the lake - back to Interlaken by bus - Swiss Army knife shopping - Checkin back again into Rugenpark B&B - Dinner at Little India - crash for the day.

Day 5: Breakfast at hotel - Train to Brig via Speiz - Glacier Express (scenic train) to Chur - packed lunch in the train - To Freiburg (Germany) via Basel - dinner at Subway - Checkin to Intercity Hotel - crash for the day.

Day 6: Breakfast at hotel - Train/bus to Feldberg - Decision to hike despite rain prediction (the best decision in the trip) - Ate packed Subway sandwich in the Black Forest - lost for a while in woods - traced our way back into safe path - cherish successful hike - bus/train back to Freiburg - relax - walk in old town and Cathedral - dinner at Jaipur - crash for the day.

Day 7: Breakfast at hotel - Train to Heidelberg via Mannheim - Local bus to castle base - up the hill by funicular - guided tour in castle - down by funicular - walk into old town - lunch at Subway - Walk across the riven on the Old Bridge, climb up to the Philosopherweg for excellent city/castle view. Bus back to station - Train to Koblenz via Mannheim - Check in to Hotel National - walk into Old Town - Dinner at Taj Mahal - crash for the day

Day 8: Breakfast at hotel - Bus to Koblenz KD dock - Rhine River Cruise from Koblenz to Bingen - lunch in the ship - Walk from Bingen KD to Hbf - Train to Munich via Mainz/Frankfurt - dinner at Subway - check in to Four Points Hotel - crash for the day.

Day 9: Self-made Bread/jelly/ketchup breakfast - The day for Mikes Bike Tour to Neuschwanstein Castle - Walk to Train station - Train to Fussen - Bus to Castle base - Steep hike up to castle - view from Mary's Bridge - Castle Tour - Hike down via the waterfall gorge - Hike to Tegelberg - Alpine Slide - Bike Ride in the hills and around the lake - Bus back to Fussen - Train back to Munich via Buchloe - Pizza Dinner at station - bus to hotel - crash for day.

Day 10: Self-made Bread/jelly/ketchup breakfast - Got Munich Public Transport day tickets - U-Bahn to Station - Luggage in Locker - S Bahn to MarienPlatz - Find that the bike tour planned is canceled that day - self tour to Viktualienmarkt - U-Bahn/bus to English Garden - packed Subway sandwich lunch - bus back to station - Train to Zurich - dinner in train's restaurant - shuttle to Moevenpick Hotel Aiport - check in - crash for the day.

Day 11: Shuttle to airport - check in luggage - breakfast at airport - fly out of ZRH - arrive at EWR in the afternoon.

OK... that's good enough for this long post. When I find some time, I will describe the highlights of our experiences at the best places in the next posts.

Update: Here is the blog post with details of our experiences

Importance of a Well Rounded Education

2009-04-13T19:30:00.002-07:00

In India, at least in the years that I went to college, a bachelors in Engineering or Technology was the way to go. Especially Computer Science. The only other option is Medicine. You are considered among the elite group if you got a seat at a good engineering college in a good major or if you are going to end up as a doctor. The rest, who choose the remaining opportunities in Commerce, Economics or Arts majors, unintentionally arrogant as I may sound, are not considered worthy enough. Kids reaching high school and doing their pre-university years are inculcated with the mindset that they need to find a seat in Engineering or Medicine, otherwise their lives will be wasted and unsuccessful. Such is the narrow mindset of the major populous. Education there is not chosen based on skills and personal fulfillment, but based on available opportunity. My main point I am trying to emphasize in this post is that the effect of this in the long run is not a well rounded society.

The ongoing recession has brought misery to several, but it has been a good thing in at least one way. It has instigated many including me to study in a deeper fashion the dynamics of the economy - at the micro as well as macro level. I have slowly begun to understand in a profound way the real meaning of capitalism. I am able to understand why and how stimulus money that the government is pouring into the system could improve the economy. I am not in anyway implying that I am in favor of capitalism or the decision to stimulate, but this has opened my eyes on how far reaching, economic decisions which our politicians make can be. And that understanding the cause and effects of different decisions is the real meaning of economics. I did not know this in school, not in my college years, and not even in my years of my graduate degree. Only when one weathers a significant storm does one try to understand what really went past.

This makes me understand the importance of the decision makers who assume the leadership roles of nations. They ought to know what they are doing. They need to be knowledgeable about the situation in order to make the right decisions. Their education should be broad enough to understand effects of their actions across industries, cultures, state and national boundaries, and across their domains of expertise.

Does India have such leaders? Just a handful perhaps. The education system which I mentioned above would not really produce such skills consistently. It actually creates people who live in their own little world, helplessly and totally disoriented when impacted by external factors, without the ability to decide what is good for themselves. They wait for situation around them to become better instead of knowing what they can do next to make things better.

What can benefit from a change is the well roundedness of education in India. Parents and teachers should teach children importance and value of various domains and industries and how individuals in different industries contribute the national economy. All professions and fields should be respected, more importantly appreciated. Once children are educated about how each profession adds value, they should be left to choose how they want to contribute and create value in whatever they do.

Although very slow, I think this is happening. India is crossing the point where more and more people are living for personal fulfillment than just to live, procreate and die. Professions are slowly being chosen more for how individuals can add value, than just for how well individuals can earn and survive.Ours is such a diverse country with various kinds of people, different cultures, different perspectives, different backgrounds, different talents, different weaknesses. No other country is as diverse realistically speaking. In my opinion, this is exactly what is needed to make a well rounded society. The ingredients are all there. It is just the effort that is needed - from everyone.

Skiing Lessons Learned

2009-03-08T07:48:00.006-07:00

Yesterday my wife and I went skiing at Vernon, NJ. It was her first time and my second time on the skis. My first time was in Flagstaff, AZ about a year ago. I remember I was a little adventurous at that time after we had been through the one-hour lesson. But when I started yesterday, I realized that I had forgotten much of what I had learned the last time. The stopping and turning and not-sliding-away-out-of-control skills did not seem to come naturally and I should admit fear was ruling me. Thankfully we had taken the beginner's package which included the one hour lesson. The second class really helped me gain back some of that confidence and release a little bit of fear. The instructor was very friendly and encouraging. My wife overcame some of her fear too and slid down the bunny slopes a few times. I took the lift up the "chicken" hill (meant for beginners) several times and came down without any problems. Fell a couple of times but was mostly in control. It felt very satisfying at the end of the day.

To make sure I don't forget what I learned, I want to put all the tips here in this post, so I can look at them when I go skiing again.

As a beginner, you will find yourself carrying your heavy skis around often. The easiest way to carry then is to balance them on one of your shoulders. Dragging them may be more difficult.
The most important secret of skiing is (according to my instructor today) the Chinese whatever, "Shin-Tung". :-) The shin of your feet (basically the front part of your leg between your ankle and knee) should always press the tounge of your shoes tightly so you bend down a little to the front.
Hands always in the front of your body. Shin-Tung is the mantra. Leaning backwards is a no-no. You really want to do that only if you want to go out of control!
As a beginner, it is good to practice skiing with one ski on at a time on each leg first before trying with both of them on. This gives a feel of sliding without losing control completely.
The correct way to wear your skis is by placing them perpendicular to the slope of the hill. Otherwise you are going to slide down. Dig into the snow using the side of your skis that is uphill to get some friction going. This will give you some control you need to stay put without sliding away.
The beginner's way to walk uphill with the skiis on is sidewards up the hill in four steps: pole-step-match-pole. If you are going up on your left, then it is left pole first, then your left leg, right leg, and then your right pole one at a time in a sequence.
The way to reduce speed and stop while skiing is to form an inverted 'V' with your skis and use friction. To do this you would turn your knees toward each other, and spread your heels apart. Practice stopping on bunny slopes first before taking the lift up the hill.
I noticed that the inverted V approach to stop is a beginner's way. The pros who know to turn well stop by making that quick turn to position themselves perpendicular to the slope and use the friction to stop in total control.
I found turning quickly at will while staying in total control the hardest park of skiing. To turn, there are two things you would do. First you will need to turn your body so that your belly-button points to the direction you want to go in. Simultaneously, you would slightly press down to the ground the foot on the side of the direction you want to go - to go left gently press your left foot down, to turn right gently press your right foot down. Its like riding a bike.
While skiing down steep slopes, control your speed using the inverted V approach.
Falling is an intricate part of skiing. Don't tighten yourself up while preparing to fall. The snow is actually softer than hard ground, so falling will not hurt unless you are falling down a steep slope. Roll down naturally. Let the momentum take you however it wishes to; give in to it - let yourself loose. In fact, I feel that falling, rolling down and laughing at yourself is super fun!

Wishing you and myself happy skiing the next time we are on the snow!

Photography Tip - Filtering Albums

2009-02-22T13:40:00.004-07:00

Here is one photography tip I have not seen in many tutorials and web sites. This tip is more applicable with the advent of digital photography which allows us to take pictures using renewable resources and allows us to experiment more without losing much.

Once we download the pictures from our digital camera to our computer, we often neglect the step of filtering the good images from the not-so-good ones. Many times, we just upload our entire album to the internet and share our link with our friends.

I have just noticed that it makes a remarkable difference to the albums if I filter them by setting aside the mediocre pictures. Improperly lit pictures, repeats from experimentation, badly framed ones, mistakes, are all candidates for removal. Variety is also important to retain attention of the viewer.

I don't claim to be a professional photographer, but with just this simple step of removing the bad pictures from my albums, I have been able to give the good pictures a different level of appreciation they deserve.

Sharing judgment

2009-02-07T06:10:00.005-07:00

When we describe some thing or some place, or some person, or some event, to a friend, we often end up not just transferring to them the description to the other person, but also our sense of judgment about that thing, event or person. I am realizing it profoundly when I describe to my wife my past events in my life, people I have interacted with, people who I have a good opinion about, those I don't, people in my life that have transformed me and so on. I see that I not only share with them the facts, but also what I feel about them - its emotional value. Sharing judgment is sometimes good. Sometimes it is not so good. When the event, person or event is a positive one, the effect is wonderful - we are spreading happiness. But when our own perspective of the event is negative, and if the listener accepts the negative perspective blindly, it may not be a good thing.

What I am arriving at is this: It is the responsibility of the narrator to describe the story in such a way that facts are separated from his own judgment. When appropriate, it is always good to clearly indicate to the listener that what he is describing is his own judgment and not necessarily the final verdict. And as a listener, it is important to not blindly accept others judgments, and take them at full value. The listener could use the facts along with his own experience, knowledge and maturity to provide perhaps a different perspective to the subject - which is always better.

Today's enlightenment

2009-01-01T20:03:00.004-07:00

Life presents us various situations to deal with. I realized that these are very important things I constantly need to remind myself of:

- Being true to myself. Being straightforward, open and sincere.
- Having a pure intent. Not wishing negatively for others - in all circumstances.
- Expressing my intent clearly and genuinely - because intentions speak better than action.
- Acting positively towards my good intentions - changing myself if necessary - because no one is perfect.
- Accepting my limitations, and the result - whatever it may be.

Recycling Project

2008-12-17T20:02:00.003-07:00

My new apartment in NJ has a recycling bin. This is great because I always used to feel bad about dumping a lot of recyclable material in the general trash dumpster when I was in Phoenix. Now I make sure I separate my trash from recyclables. Of course I could have gone the extra mile of storing my recyclables and disposing it elsewhere. But I was one of the lazy guys. Nevertheless, I don't know the reason why recycle dumpsters are not provided in apartments there. I wonder if it is possible for a team to perhaps service an apartment (just one to begin with) regularly for recyclable material disposal. Would surely make a difference.

vishn.com

2008-12-17T19:56:00.001-07:00

Now using my new domain for my blog.

http://www.vishn.com

The old URL http://vishr.blogspot.com should be redirected to http://www.vishn.com

Communicating our philosophy of leadership

2008-09-24T07:00:00.006-07:00

While working in teams, I think it helps if every individual at some point clarify his or her philosophy of leadership to other members of the team who are in a similar growth path.

Different people have different definitions of leadership. Some would claim that authority on the field, skills, experience and capabilities make a person a capable leader. Others may claim that leader should not be assigned because different people emerge as leaders at different situations because not everyone can be a leader at every time. Some may say that leaders should have power and authority to command over the team they lead - and others may believe that leaders are on the same playing field, and that reason prevails over hierarchy. People have strong opinions about such topics because of their background and upbringing.

When people with different philosophies of leadership meet and work together without knowing each others approach to growth, their way of working collides and there is more room for conflicts. One person's assertive approach may appear rude to the other, and another person's modesty may appear as incapability. On the other hand, it helps if each person communicates his approach to leadership, and helps his team understand his way of handling things and his expectations from everyone else. Ideal would be for some person in the team with the "facilitator" role to create a forum for the team to share these thoughts and come to an understanding as to what would work best for the team as such. When employers are interviewing candidates or when anyone interviewing with a potential employer, it also helps to discuss this topic and evaluate if the environment and the candidate are a good match.

Indispensability

2008-08-10T17:16:00.005-07:00

It has been six years since I moved to Phoenix to do my Masters. In these years I have seen many friends come to Phoenix and stay, and add meaning to our lives, and many close friends leave for good. This month, my very close friend is about to leave, and it may very well happen that I will leave too in the next few months. This moving away feeling brings me to the thoughts in this post.

Many times, we feel we are indispensable. We feel that the value we create in our profession, in our community, in our social groups etc cannot be replaced.

The reality is nothing in this world is indispensable. The world will move on no matter what. The world does not and cannot revolve around us. People may be grateful for the service rendered, but they will not collapse in our absence. It is best to sincerely contribute when we have the opportunity, and let go, moving on to the next one when time comes, without trying to reap the fruits of the value we may have created.

The other story is also true. I may leave, but need not leave in sadness that I will not find what I have found here elsewhere. Happiness is what you create around yourself, it is not found only in a specific place or only around certain people. No city or town or social group is indispensable either.

Motivation

2008-07-31T07:30:00.007-07:00

I came across this 43Folders post on Paradox of Motivation. It talks about the Shankar Vedantam article on When Play Becomes Work. The thoughts in this article are very similar to what I have also been thinking all along. Nice that it is able to verbalize what I wanted to express more clearly.

Work is best when not driven by rewards and punishments. It is best driven by its own value - the difference it makes when the work is done, or the lost opportunity when not done.

The article ends with an observation that is very true.

So why are rewards and punishments employed so liberally?

"People like it because it is easy," Deci said. "It is easy to offer a reward, but it is not easy to help people find their own motivation."

Collective Responsibility

2008-07-30T19:22:00.003-07:00

Many large companies follow the hierarchical responsibility system, wherein the manager is responsible to lead a team consisting of several people who report to him. He is responsible for the success of the project the team is undertaking. He takes credit if the project succeeds, or the blame if it does not. However, his team members are working as hard as him to get the job done. His job is to oversee them, coordinate, plan, police, monitor and do whatever it takes to ensure that things are getting done in time. He is the channel for reporting status upwards in the food chain. His head is on the line if things fail, and he gets the credit if everthing goes on well.

For some reason which I am trying to discover by writing this down, this model does not seem correct to me. It seems like my value system contradicts with what is being followed in such reporting models.

That one person take credit or blame for the entire team doesn't sit well with me. It is okay for one person to coordinate all the activities and communicate to ensure that the grand vision is clear and reachable, but I think that person is in no way superior or inferior to people who perform the tasks. If things happened beyond the coordinator's control, it is not fair to blame him. Nor can he take away all the credit for the team's work just because he coordinated it. It would be against the principles of good teamwork.

The thought of 'teamwork' makes me want to clarify what I think it is about before I go on any further. In my opinion, a great team is where every member

respects and is respected at all times, especially when opinions differ
brings their best to the table and seeks to bring out the best in others
is committed to, feels responsible for and seeks to achieve the common team goal

The hierarchical responsibility structure seems to encourage control. Since only the manager's head is on the line for the entire project, he better be given the power to control everyone undertaking the tasks. Otherwise it won't work. This threat cascades into authoritative leadership styles which I have described in my earlier post. The single-point-of-responsibility system subtly says "I am in charge here". Instead of also making the rest of the team feel responsible for the overall goal equally as him, this approach makes puppets out of them.

Perhaps it is true that only this model works best for large companies where alignment of vision across a large populous can be done only based on some degree of hierarchical control, and enforcement because coordination in this structure is much simpler.

Hmm... or is there a better way? This I am not sure now.

In small and medium sized organizations, self directed work teams is great. It promotes teamwork and collective responsibility. Companies like Semco have adopted it and have proven that it works. They have eliminated several layers of management in the organization. Team members take turns in coordinating projects. This approach may relatively be more chaotic, may appear disorganized, may result in more conflicting opinions that need to be resolved, but I think all these are far easier and better problems to solve. Collective responsibility will result in better interactions between people. People will remind each other when tasks slip away. Unhealthy competition and rivalry is reduced. When reminded of common goals to achieve to which the entire team is committed, people will bring their conflicts to compromises sooner. The key here is collective responsibility for the grand vision, as well as collective rewards. I will think more about the latter and write about it soon.

Acceptance

2008-06-26T07:04:00.002-07:00

I should know and accept who I am and what I am before I try to be what I want to be.

Authority

2008-06-21T06:41:00.009-07:00

For some reason, I have never been a fan of "authority". Authoritative leadership and management styles have never impressed me in any way.

I am the kind of person who is more pliable with persuasive/inspiration based leadership and management. I am not comfortable sharing my opinions with people who are authoritative and threatening. I stop looking at the actual problem and become defensive. I stop thinking creatively.

What do I consider authoritative leadership?

An authoritative leader

forces his opinion on people. He does not let people make their decision.
needs to control to see things done the "right" way.
needs to create fear of consequence in order to get things done.
will try not to give any impression that he could be wrong because he is supposed to be right, otherwise he cannot command respect.
grooms puppets, not self-reliant thinkers.
trusts very few.

An inspiration based leader

tries to persuade and convince based on reason, and also allows himself to be convinced if reason prevails.
knows that there is something to learn from everyone.
does not use his power and position to dictate terms with people.
cares to first understand what the other person is thinking, and tries to start from there.
acts more and talks less.
does not fear to admit mistakes.
allows people to make mistakes as long as they learn from them.
can be trusted.

Marriage

2008-06-01T23:01:00.007-07:00

Marriage is a sensitive topic. It is not easy to openly discuss such topics with anyone and everyone. When I was looking for a girl who I could live with, I found it hard to approach the project with the right mindset. I always wondered what I should ask, how I should describe myself, what I really wanted... There was fear and uncertainty. There were desires, likes and dislikes. The focus was a lot on myself - what I wanted, what I feared, how I should appear, what I deserved and so on. But it took a while for me to realize that marriage is not first about my needs, but about the other person's. I just thought I should help my fellow bachelors with my humble little tips gathered from my experience. Readers should remember that I am from an Indian background where dating is not a norm.

Be yourself. Don't try to portray who you are not. Your wife is at least the one person who should know the real you.
You could use daily activities as an ice breaker in conversations. It is easy to talk about what you did that day, what you will be doing, what you are doing etc. Small talk leads to interesting topics for discussion and tell a lot about people. Feel free to digress wildly.
Have the right intentions. Do not go with the intention to win something. Do not go in with the fear of losing something. Go with the intention to be happy.
Patience pays. Don't rush to reveal yourself, don't rush to find out about her. Act upon the situation. Let things flow. Wait for the right time to talk and to ask.
Make room for questions - a lot of them. See if you can make questions a norm in your initial conversations. Give the other person total freedom to ask questions openly that will help her know you better. You could say "I had a whole list of questions for you. I am sure you would have them too. Feel free to ask if you remember any."
Gather facts. Withhold judgment.
If you are nervous, admit it. Nothing wrong in that. It will free you up (and the other person too) and help you be yourself again. You could say "Sorry, I haven't been in such a conversation before, and you are a new person to me. So I am a little nervous. So bear with me while I take sometime to open up and feel comfortable."
Try to know why you want to marry. It helps if you understand what you are seeking in a marriage.
Try to find out what makes you happy. Make a long list. Talk about it to the girl. Let her know what ways she can make you feel happy.
Admit imperfections at the right time with sincerity. If you know things about you that irritate others, talk about it. Trust that the other person will appreciate your warning and take it at face value. There is nothing better than knowing that your wife still likes you despite your shortcomings.
Don't expect perfection. Know that you will not find it. Recognize and accept imperfections of others. Treat people with dignity because no one can be perfect. Only if you can be tolerant of others' imperfections can you expect them to accept yours.
Try to find out what makes her happy. Find out her likes and dislikes. See what you will be able to do to bring happiness into her life.
Acknowledge what you like about her immediately. Don't wait to express happiness.
Express your basic expectations up front. Try not to have a long list, and be open to possibilities. Don't rush to close doors - let them close themselves. Let your judgment be on the lines of "Do I have the ability to accept, tolerate and live with this in my marriage?" as opposed to a check or a cross mark in a checklist of desires.
Express care. I think all people who marry, marry for this reason only. They want to be cared for. They want to be loved. Remember, marriage is not just about you.
If you like the other person sincerely, but are not sure about how she feels, don't fear rejection and stop investing yourself. Only trust and faith can take you through.
Matching value-systems of two people lead to better chances for a happy life. So seek for commonality more in fundamental belief systems than in daily interests.
Make sure the girl really likes you for who you are before you decide to go for it.

Inspiration

2008-05-11T23:10:00.003-07:00

I realized that being inspired from within is far better and preferable to being inspired from outside.

Often times, we like doing things because some one we admire executes something wonderfully - perhaps play an instrument to perfection, speak and motivate people, program well etc. I have been fortunate to have found myself among many talented people, and many of them I have wanted to emulate. I have learned so much from all of these people. But the most fulfillment I have felt is when I achieved something of my own accord - when I have inspired myself to do something. It is an irony that at the end of such an experience when I am able to express myself with clarity, I end up feeling that I couldn't have done it myself. I guess that is the beauty of it.

It is good to be inspired from people around us. But it'd be great if all of us can seek inspiration from within ourselves. It is in there - without doubt. And the best way to find it is to accept ourself for who we truly are - our strengths, our weaknesses, our imperfections, our guilt, our desires, and then, do the right things with a strong faith that it will find us.

Action speaks more

2008-05-11T22:51:00.004-07:00

Gratitude and Love is expressed best by action than by words.

Accepting the full spectrum of human emotions

2008-01-05T07:23:00.001-07:00

Swami's study circle yesterday on "Accepting the full spectrum of human emotions" was a very needed one because this was where I was heading to in the last few months without being able to word it correctly. This study circle seemed to put more pieces of the jigsaw puzzle in place.

All of us tend to accept positive emotions like love, faith, trust, joy but tend to not accept negative emotions like anger, fear, jealousy. This study circle was a persuasion to accept all emotions with equanimity. The most interesting questions for me were "What is the benefit of accepting all emotions?" and "What does accepting really mean? What should you do to accept an emotion?"

Here is my second take on these questions.

When we resist a negative emotion and avoid it, the we actually move away from the solution of the underlying problem to a greater extent than at the time when we first experienced the emotion. For example, when I am angry with someone because they insulted me, and as a result I try to avoid facing them or try to remember the incident because it makes me even more angrier, all I am doing is running away from the problem. The other option I often take is to drive the emotion away from me or keep it locked somewhere hidden, by performing acts of justifying the act, defending myself and rationalizing that I was right. Other times, I live through the emotion without really wanting it and this drains me to a great extent both physically and mentally.

What we run away from will eventually follow to haunt us some day. If we are ready for the pain we may face when the locked emotions resurface, we are free to use these paths.

The other approach is to accept these negative emotions. I am still seeking to clearly understand what the process of "accepting" the emotion really entails, but I guess it is about

- becoming aware that you are feeling painful emotions
- identifying the emotion that is causing the pain
- saying to myself that it is okay for me to feel this way (betrayed, angry, fearful, jealous etc.)

This is the toughest part because our natural instinct is to avoid these emotions and shove them away far enough that we don't see them ourselves at that time.

The next step then I guess, is to come face to face with it by asking oneself

- why I am feeling this way
- what do I really want for me and others
- what action can I take to create the result I seek

This process of questioning takes real guts because it makes us bring everything out to the table and reason objectively. It may reveal our own imperfections and invite us to take action about it.

Lot my thoughts on this topic have been influenced by this very nice book on Emotional Awareness. If this blog interests you, I highly recommend that you read the book.

Encouragement

2007-12-23T09:15:00.001-07:00

It is so amazing to see how I thrive when I receive the proper encouragement and how disinterested I feel about things when I don't get the recognition.

I don't know if most people are like me, but I am sure many are. I need to be reassured that I am heading the right way. I need to know that people do think I am capable. This appreciation and recognition does a lot for my confidence.

However kiddish it may sound, people like me need it. It means a lot to us. Not sure if this is how I want it to be i.e. being driven by how others think of me, but I guess this is how I am right now.

Emotional Vocabulary

2007-12-21T17:54:00.001-07:00

I think that it is important for us to be able to understand our emotions and express them effectively. Our relationships suffer if we are not able to communicate clearly to others what we exactly feel. We hide our emotions, we pretend it is not there, sometimes we really don't know it is there, sometimes we exaggerate it to others, we indirectly express it - we do all kinds of weird things that distances us from really understanding and becoming aware of what we feel.

Emotional literacy and emotional vocabulary is something that has started to get my attention lately. I want to find out how to pay attention to my feelings better, and be able to express them in a confident and clear way.

I just searched on Google and this was the first interesting link I hit. If you guys are aware of any other good reading on this topic, do drop me a note.

Responsibility

2007-12-16T07:54:00.001-07:00

Last Thursday, I was having a conversation with a good friend about responsibility. I thought I should summarize my thoughts on this topic on my blog.

1. Responsibility is something that people have to choose to accept. It should not be forced upon them. It should come from within.

2. A person should assume responsibility only for what he believes he can control. There are things that happen beyond one's grasp and by assuming responsibility of those results, he is not helping himself. It is best recognize that results are beyond our capacity and make peace with the situation as it turns out to be. The act of accepting however, does not imply that the person does not care about the results.

3. Only the person assuming responsibility can make the true judgment of what he has control over and what he is capable of.

4. Neglecting responsibility when one really has the ability to make a difference is an opportunity lost. However, opportunities present themselves again for us to learn from them.

Rebirth

2007-11-18T10:14:00.001-07:00

Teachers guide us to walk towards self-realization, so we will be relieved of these continued rebirths, and delusion of elation and dejection.

Here is another perspective. One birth doesn't seem enough for me to experience the magnificence of life. I don't seem to be able to consistently live those moments when I am able to "listen" to the music, "see" the beauty, "taste" the food, "smell" every breath, and "touch" feeling the life within. God, give me time and the energy to understand the abundance of your creation, even if it means dying to be born anew.

Giving together

2007-10-30T21:04:00.001-07:00

It is not possible for a group to give together before they give to each other.

Changing Others

2007-10-10T23:11:00.001-07:00

Is it possible to love a person without the slightest desire that he/she change?

Evolution of thought

2007-10-07T13:10:00.001-07:00

I think our way of thinking evolves.

1. Ah! This is cool thing (s)he is doing.
2. I want to learn that.
3. I want to become an expert.
4. So I have gained reasonable expertise. Now what? Why did I do this in the first place?
5. How can I use what I have learned to solve a problem?
6. Ah! This is a problem worthwhile to solve because the solution will have a good impact.
7. Go to Step 2.

I am in the first iteration of this loop at step 4. I smell step 5.

What is life about?

2007-09-16T14:41:00.001-07:00

I saw this quote in the signature of one of my friend's emails.

"The sign of life is enthusiasm. The sign of success is smile and joy."
- Sri Sri Ravishankar

Makes a lot of sense. Couldn't be anything else.

Writing good essays

2007-08-31T07:27:00.001-07:00

Over the last few years, I have come to realize that I need to significantly improve my writing skills. Many times, my essays intend to drive home a main point. But during the course of writing the essay, I present different ideas without really connecting them together and strengthening my point. During these times, it is likely that I will lose my reader.

An essay is not a bunch of random thoughts. If it is, then it does not serve its purpose - to convey to its readers a message. Writing an essay that is structured well requires that you understand the deeper meanings of cause and effect, fact and evidence, and open doors to thinking critically.

A good essay is a sequence of related thoughts that lead to something more substantial than the individual thoughts themselves. Each thought in that sequence must contribute to the main point of that essay. If it doesn't, the author should seriously consider removing it. In addition, these thoughts must be interconnected well so that they lead to the main objective message which should stand up crystal clear to the reader. If they are not connected well enough, the reader is not likely to understand the intention the isolated thoughts, hence resulting in a loss of communication. If you are intentionally going to digress from the main point of the essay, then it is better to convey to the reader how the digression is related to the main point, or at least, promise them that it will all make sense at the end. And of course, you need to keep it up. The bottom line is that the author should ensure that the readers do not forget the main point of the essay.

Action, Results and Happiness

2007-08-30T20:22:00.001-07:00

The most famous message of the Gita often quoted as:

"Do your duty, do not expect the results of your actions."

...gives an impression that we are expected to be more or less robots on this earth just bothered about our duty and stay detached from the outcome. Let me rephrase it, and then its power becomes a little more clear:

"Do not rely on the results of what you do to be happy. Happiness is your birthright! Enjoy it whenever you want it by making your action as the reason for your happiness rather than its result!"

What I truly can be

2007-07-24T21:31:00.001-07:00

I like it if people can respect me for what I truly can be more than what I am because of my actions.

Self Confidence

2007-07-23T06:08:00.001-07:00

Self Confidence is the willingness and boldness to take action and accept all of the consequences.

The Purpose of a Business

2007-07-22T21:10:00.001-07:00

The purpose of a business should be to solve a common problem at hand. It should not create new desires and new problems.

This is not my philosophy speaking, but basic economics. For example, consider the automobile industry. The Toyotas and the Nissans and the Hondas solve the problem of a reliable, economic way of transportation to a very good extent. But I would not say the same with the Ferraris, Mercedes, or the Porsches. Do they solve any common problem? I don't think they do.

In fact, they add on to, or magnify the big pile of problems we already have to deal with - envy, discontentment, insecurity. The power of the human mind should be used to solve and eliminate existing problems that make life more meaningful. It is too valuable to be wasted in creating new problems for ourselves.

Accepting Others

2007-07-14T10:28:00.001-07:00

I should not ignore and be indifferent to habits of people that irritate me. At the same time, I should not get sucked in, and let their negativity affect me.

Instead, I should be aware of the negativity, work around it, and get my task done.

I should do this because:

- the task at hand is more important to me than fixing people.
- I love to solve the problem at hand more than solving the person.
- I don't associate people's actions with their identity.

The secret of life

2007-06-22T22:32:00.002-07:00

....is to love at least one thing beyond your own self.

Love for Books

2006-07-18T07:39:00.001-07:00

Reading, I tell you is one great habit and a very good way to spend time. I wasn't really fascinated by reading sometime ago, but now books are my best friends.

I just thought I'll list some that I have read that have had a big influence in my life:

Maverick: The Success Story Behind the World's Most Unusual Workplace - Ricardo Semler
Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box - Arbinger Institute
The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem - Wayne Dyer
The Art of Possibility - Rosamund and Benjamin Zander
Thunder of Silence - Joel Goldsmith
The 8th HAbit - Stephen Covey

This one, I am reading and is already exciting:

Good Business: Leadership, Flow, and the Making of Meaning - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

A new meaning for Leadership

2006-06-22T07:55:00.001-07:00

Leadership is the ability to clearly see the inherent goodness in ALL people at ALL circumstances.

No right, no wrong - only choice

2006-03-18T08:10:00.001-07:00

One thing I realized have been grappling with is to understand and know what is the correct thing to do for the moment. Yes - the "correct" action. I wanted to be correct. I didn't want to be wrong.

But what I came to realize is there are no "correct" or "wrong" actions. There are only choices that you can make. You make a choice in life and move on without regrets.

A big mistake people who were like me make is to look back regretting choices that we made and label them as "wrong". When this happens, you don't accept yourself they way you are today. You become opinionated and are not really happy about your own self. And it becomes tough to move on.

At every moment in life, we need to make decisions. The best way to look at the options we have is not by labelling any of them as "right" or "wrong" and "correct" or "incorrect". Because if we do, we disdain or become attached to the choices and it becomes difficult for you to forgive ourself if realize later that we picked the choice which turned out to be the "not so correct" one.

So the best thing we can do is to pick a choice using our instincts and invest on it. Give it our all. Don't look back because we could not have made a better choice for ourself.

This question may arise: What if my choice is to kill and not to kill. Isn't the "correct" choice obvious?

Not always. What if people are being held hostage by a serial killer? What if he is going to kill you if you don't act in time? What I am trying to say is that the notion of "correct" and "wrong" is what we tell ourselves at that moment. There is no definitive guide to what the correct action is at any given moment. If there was such a guide, then life wouldn't be so unpredictable as it is now.

The only thing we can do is to trust that our instincts will guide us the way it is meant to be and invest in what our instincts tells us. It is best to affirm that our instincts will be driven by a power far greater than me and have faith that it will guide us on a good path which leads us to somewere nice. If someday if we were forced to chose to kill, then we cannot move on if we begin to regret and blame ourself for having done the "wrong" action.

The world is perfect as it is and will be perfect the way it is going to be tomorrow. I could not have been more perfect than I am today and I am always going to be perfect as I am tomorrow.

A quest for my Identity

2006-03-05T12:09:00.001-07:00

I think I found what I was going through. An explanation warrants a little bit of history, or perhaps an analysis.

Some of you may know, till about year ago I was pretty much the happiest guy on earth. I was happy with what I was doing, what was happening, and most importantly, I was happy with the people around me and I was under the correct impression that the world is a perfect place as is.

But things changed. I began to "know" that I was happy and wanted to stay that way. I wanted to share my happiness with people. I wanted to show people what it mans to be happy! But soon enough, I also became conscious of myself and began to see unhappiness around me and my desire to correct it began to creep in.

Around the same time, my involvement with the volunteering activities got very regular. I used to be there for all the activities promptly and I even got chances to lead some of them. I pretty much earned the unofficial title of "Mr. Reliable". Even at my work place, I was kind of the "to-go" guy for the area I worked on. And of course, I was proud of myself and patted myself on the back for a step ahead in life.

All these developments led me to believe that I had the ability to become a leader because I was good at what I was doing and all I need to learn is how to motivate people. Easier said than done huh! So I began taking up initiatives and offered myself wherever needed. I knew that a good leader has to set good examples. "Because if a leader does not, then who would like to follow him? BE, DO and TELL. Not the other way." But then what I couldn't see till recently, was this innocent thought which had always been hiding in my mind: "Well, you want to be a good leader. So you need to be an idealistic person. If you go wrong, then you cannot be effective. So you always need to be correct!"

What a spoiler it was! Unconsciously, I didn't let myself be wrong. I wouldn't forgive myself if I failed to do something "correctly", forget me blaming others if they didn't do their job "correctly" - that always happened. And I started to make conscious efforts to portray myself as an ideal person. When I look back now, I can see myself suppressing the actions I would naturally do when I am amongst my friends and stay a quiet person - deep in my own thoughts, trying to analyse what the correct thing to do was for that time. This made me so conscious of myself, and I started wondering what people think of me. And the thought would come: "Am I living for others, or am I living for myself?" I began to ask myself who I really am because I lost the sense of my identity - I was obsessed about what people thought about me.

In my visit to India this time, I didn't speak even with my parents as I usually would, and not even with my brother. I was in my own shell quietly resisting any conversation that would let my true self slip away. My folks could see my resistance and made all attempts to set me free, but it was all in vain because I wouldn't speak up.

And then when I came back here to the US, it was the jet-lagged sleepless night that brought me back to my own self. I could not sleep and my thoughts raced and raced about why I was this way with my own folks. "YOUR OWN FOLKS you fool!" - forget about friends here!

I called my mom in the middle of the night and broke down.

I am yet to find out how much more there is for me to see of myself. And I am in the quest for my own true identity.

Look ahead, not behind

2006-01-11T07:23:00.001-07:00

A great leader never looks back to see who is following him. He probably doesn't even know if he indeed has any followers. All he does is look ahead to find his own way through the thickest of jungles and create a new trail so crystal clear that his 'followers' will not have the slightest hitch in treading that path for times to come.

Secret to True Freedom

2006-01-05T06:21:00.001-07:00

The past few days, few people and a few books have made me get a much better understanding of what true freedom is all about. You are free when you are rid of guilt and when you can truly love. More importantly, you have true freedom when you have no resistance toward anything - yes, absolutely everything -- this is when your mind ceases to work (because our mind is just a bundle of fears), but the spirit takes its place.

In everyday life, I can see myself blocked by my fears. In the last few months, this huge wall of my fears right in front of me has grown taller and taller, and tougher to overcome each day. I was the one who built it unknowingly and I could feel it everyday, but could never see it. I was in a constant state of denial - denial that those fears existed. Deep down, something told me I resisted, but I didn't want that to be true.

The challenge I feel each of us face is to identify what we really fear underneath all our emotions. This is not easy to dig this out because we constantly deny our fears, which the spirit wants us to overcome.

One good way I learned to find these out for myself is by doing a self-inquiry on how much I "hide" in my life. What are my greatest secrets I don't want people to know? What is it that is so dear and private to me that I don't want to let go of it? Do I "pretend" that there is nothing wrong with my relationship with someone? Can I look up to anyone in their eyes and sincerely say "You are perfect the way you are"?

For some, the fear could be a desire for something, for someone. For others it could be their financial problems. It could even be health related. Or it could be some wrong action they have done, or even some wrong act by others where they were victimized.

Most often, releasing these secrets is our greatest fear. We fear judgment from our friends and family. We fear that if people know about it we will be a bad example in society. We fear rejection. What we don't see is the freedom we will gain by releasing those fears. Once we strip ourselves and show all we have to the whole world, there is nothing to fear from, and that is the greatest thing one can strive for. And that is precisely what Mahavir did. He released everything he thought he held on to - his thoughts and fears, his material possessions including his clothes and that is how he overcame his mind.

The secret to freedom is simple, but profound. It is to come out from hiding into the open, and do the action that the spirit is calling for us to do. Most often it is either to forgive the offender (even if it is yourself), or to seek for forgiveness from the person you offended. If we can try this once, we will come to relish the value and joy of true freedom.

Self-Deception Live!

2005-12-25T09:36:00.001-07:00

An interesting experience to share...

I had been reading Stephen Covey's "8th Habit" for the last month or so and I discovered fr myself a new meaning to this word "Trust." I could relate to the new ideas because much of my recent experiences in life were very relevant to "trust". And I wanted to share my discovery with all my friends. I prepared for a study circle very enthusiastically putting into it quite a bit of time and effort and was looking forward to hear what people thought about the topic, and also introduce to them what the book taught me. The first week was exam week. No one turned up. It was just me and one other person. I didn't feel bad because I expected it. I might have probably done the same if I were a student. The subsequent week was sandwich making and many were able to attend, but none could stay back for study circle which followed. That's OK, I told myself. This week was my third attempt in vain with no one showing up once again. This time, it was frustrating for me. I could think of nothing but blame!

"You can bring water to a horse, but you cannot make it drink!" was what went in my mind. "All I can do is ask people to come, and collectively improve the study circle if it is not good enough for everyone. It's not like I am the only one responsible for it. If people want something out of it, they would want to come and make it better. If they aren't bothered too much about it, why am I to blame?" My thoughts were all the while trying to justify my actions. I was looking for reasons to prove that the others were wrong.

And then in a flash, I just realized I was "in the box" with the whole group!

I don't know if you guys have read this book, but I'll tell you - it is a must read. It is titled "Leadership and Self-Deception - Getting out of the Box", and it is from the Arbinger Institute. I don't know if I will do justice by summarizing what "in-the-box" is about, but I'll try.

When you are "in the box", you see the external world as mere objects rather than as people who have the same needs and feelings as you. You stop focusing on the results you want to achieve and rather, you begin to focus on how to prove yourself and your actions - just like I did in my story. You tend to inflate other's faults and your own virtues. Even when there is scope for improvement on your end, your mind is blind to it because all you are trying to do is to justify yourself. And worst of all, you don't know you are "in the box".

And this leads to what the authors call 'collusion' - a chain reaction. You get in the box - You start blaming others - You force others in their box - They start justifying their actions and blame you - They repeat their actions which justifies your blame even further. This cycle continues and it gets to a point when you actually begin to want them to fail, so that you become correct! And the end result: the goal which both of us wanted to reach is not a goal anymore; rather, proving ourselves right becomes our primary objective. And we are what? A total mess.

And all this happens because of what the authors call 'self-betrayal' and it is our problem, not anyone else's. I don't want to spoil the book for you here, so if you would like to know more, go get the book. I can see similar situations so many times in my life and this experience is one instance where I realized I was indeed in the box. And getting to know when you are inside really helps. And the book tells you more - how to get out of it too!

Sending the right message

2005-12-14T20:18:00.001-07:00

Many times when I am not happy about someone's actions, I tend to associate the action with the person and send the message across that the action is more important to me than the person itself. That is something I need to change about myself.

I think all of us have to remind ourselves to address the action, and not the actor. If we comment about just the action, but still truly care for the person from the bottom of our hearts, we send the right message across: "I know you can do better!" Whereas if we make a conclusion about the person based on his action, then we are actually saying "You are no good. I don't want to trust you", and the next thing that we will see happen is losing their trust and confidence.

I was reading Stephen Covey's '8th Habit' and I found one of his tips to give sincere feedback helpful. He suggests that when we give feedback on a negative action, it is good to talk about ourself and how we internally feel about the action. This is what he calls the 'I messages'. The opposite is the 'You messages' - exactly the wrong thing to do.

You probably know how it feels when you have sent 'You messages' - miserable, after you realize that you just fed your ego.

Transformation

2005-12-12T21:11:00.001-07:00

Last week's study circle question was about how Sai Baba has transformed my life. I did not speak out, but I did think about it a bit.

I have never had any close interactions with Swami, nor have I witnessed any of his miracles. To be honest, I have not read any of his books fully. Most of his teachings I learned come from listening to people around me. I am not really attached to his form, and I don't try to judge whether or not he is God (I don't think there is any point in trying to do that). Yet, I have immense respect for this being.

In the last three years, I can see that I have changed a ton. My way of thinking, my attitude towards life, my self-confidence has had an extreme makeover! I have never ever believed in my abilities as much as I believe in them today. Three years ago, I did not imagine I would achieve as much as I have today. And I truly feel that there is a lot more I have to deliver. I can see myself as a wonderful creation of God, placed on this earth with all the resources I need to do my job. And I can feel the dormant, limitless energy of possibility within. All this has been the way it is because of the company of wonderful people whose eyes have reflected a lot of goodness within myself I have never seen before. One thing is for sure. This bunch of good people to look up to has been there for me because of Sri Sathya Sai Baba. And I am thankful for that!

My salute goes out to each and everyone including YOU who have made an unforgettable impression in my life.

Who is a leader?

2005-10-29T10:15:00.001-07:00

A leader is a servant.

-A truth I learnt last week.

So what do you think about me!

2005-08-06T11:15:00.001-07:00

It is amazing to see how much effort each of us put in in our lives to change or retain others perception of our identity. Most often this is what seems to be driving my life; but the reality as I understand is that, this is exactly what blocks me from being true to myself and utilizing my fullest capacity.

This idea was touched upon by Soumya and Swami earlier in their study circles, but I am just beginning to understand with a broader meaning now.

Most of our energy I think is spent on trying to create, retain or change others' opinions about us rather than just doing an action for its sake. We always seek for appreciation and praise. I think this is because in reality, we really don't know who we really are and what we are actually capable of. Hence we base our identity on what others think about us. If you really knew who you were, you really wouldn't care a penny for what the other person has to say about you.

When someone says something about me, I tend to measure and rate myself. This is precisely where I think I am wrong because each of us is an immeasurable, limitless creation. When someone says I am good, I limit myself to that amount of what seems "good", and I stop to see the possibility of anything beyond that. When someone says I am "bad", I bind myself to that opinion and am forced into the illusion that I do not have it in me. When we react to other's opinions whether good or bad, we consciously allow THEIR opinion to become OUR reality.

The Divine is never affected by what others have to say because He never takes credit for His actions. When the action is not Mine, why bother to measure?

Wisdom Flash

2005-07-28T19:12:00.001-07:00

My aunt pointed me to a very beautiful website full of flash animations with inspirational messages.

http://www.consciousone.com/wisdomflash/

Some of my best were "Live your Passion" and "Illusion vs. Truth". Take a peek!

Discipline vs. Non-Judgement

2005-06-15T20:09:00.002-07:00

I would like to share with you a very nice email conversation I had with Soumya a few days ago. about discipline vs. non-judgment. Before I say anything, let me present you the conversation.

Vish:
A question has been lingering in my mind, and I've been seeking an answer for a while now, but it still has remained. I just want to share it with you.

An aspect of good leadership is making sure that the team maintains discipline. Discipline is very important so that the group stays focused on its task. Not everyone can do everything, so it is important that the best people do it. People who are responsible for getting things done should be disciplined and ensure that they deliver what is expected of them.

The other facet of (not necessarily exclusive to) leadership is being non-judgmental about the people we work with. It is our reposibility to ensure that each and everyone brings their best to the table, and let God work through them. This is best done when there is no fear of failure and when people are non-judgemental. We should let the person be whoever he/she is by accepting them from within our hearts and enjoy the God within them.

The problem I see here is that we cannot really make sure there is discipline without being judgemental of others. If once we find that there is no discipline, we have already judged haven't we?

How can I see God in people and say that "The person (who is God) is not perfect yet" at the same time? But then, if I don't do that, am I not being ignorant of the task to complete, thus failing in the arena of discipline?

I find this question relating to many aspects in life. Bhajan singing. If I don't really adore someone else's singing, am I not being judgmental? The problem is with me, is it not? But at the same time, only when good singers sing and discipline is followed do bhajans achieve their collective purpose.

In a team project, if we find that a member does not contribute up to what we think is his best constantly, what do we do? We have two options: 1. Be ignorant, and you can still see the God in him. 2. Talk to him about it. But then, you have judged the person now.

How can we achieve discipline and non-judgment at the same time?

Soumya:
You have hit on the exact problem of parenthood, which is a very specific form of leadership. This is a problem that I have grappled with all these years and I have made some progress but I'm really still working on this.

First of all, I think that one of the main lessons of leadership is that, from the leader's point of view, the exercise is really for you to learn how to lead and the path is the particular project. If we think that the project is really the outcome and the path is for us to learn, I believe that we will have trouble. This understanding helps because we can then strive for the best possible project outcome but at the same time be detached about the project outcome.

Secondly, I think that whatever trait we are trying to inculcate into the others, we must examine that we are doing it to our utmost.

Thirdly, what to do about when we see deficiencies? I think that people don't perform up to a certain standard when they don't inherently believe that they can. As a leader, pushing them is important, not just to get the project done, but to show them something that they don't believe in themselves. I think that then you are truly not judging. You are not saying, "Look, you can't do this; you aren't disciplined", etc. You are actually saying, "You may not believe you are capable of discipline, but I'll show you that you are!" This is what really good teachers do to you--they force you to strive harder and push you till you believe you can. It is kind of like what a personal trainer does--when you don't think you can run another lap, he forces you to.

All of this is possible only when you see the larger picture that the project is the path for you to develop as a person who visualizes other people as better than they presently appear to be and for the workers to develop the different skills and abilities and character required by the project. It can really only happen when everyone strives but the outcome of the project is left in God's hands.

Every time things don't happen like the way we think it is supposed to, we visualize people as incapable. We stop believing in their ability. Our presumption about them starts to haunt us. That is precisely what judgment is. Instead, if we continue to set examples of how to do the job the best possible way and be the happiest people on earth, there are very few ways to motivate them better! The most important thing is that deep down in your heart you should believe that they can do it. That is the way you see the God in them. A 'deficiency' to you will naturally not seem like one. It will seem like an opportunity to motivate people. Even if there is just a little bit of uncertainty in your mind in the first place, you have absolutely no reason to inspire them to believe in themselves.

Soumya's reply inspired me to compose this poem.

First Believe in Thy heart,
cause Thou nature art God;
Then inspire Thy neighbor to Believe in his,
cause he often forgets he art God too;
But only after Thou start Believing in him,
cause he will see the God within - only using Thy eyes!

"Balance'" your thoughts

2005-05-11T22:24:00.001-07:00

Divinity is reached by the absence of thought in one's mind. Is that the only way, or is it possible to realize Divinity from a "balance" in thought? Then what exactly does this "balance" mean?

I think it means acceptance of what happens around us, and taking it at face value. Usually in our minds, one thought triggers another, which triggers a second one and so on. If we observe carefully, our thought processes are more or less like a network, one leading to another and another, sometimes back to where we started from and is sometimes a complete mess. The more such triggering, the more chaos and worrisome our mind gets. The lesser this chain reaction of thoughts, the more peaceful and happy it is.

The idea is to make this network of thoughts simpler and simpler and less deeper as we progress in our life. This is what I believe is "balancing" of thoughts.

"Balancing" thoughts will slowly lead to times when there is a momentary absence of thought, and that is when we feel peace. And the more often we experience this so called peace, the more closer we are towards Divinity.

Conclusion: When you are thinking too much, stop! And Act. There is no better way to stop your thoughts than acting. After all what is Love? Isn't it action where necessary without thought? It is not a feeling or emotion which basically starts from a thought.

Two wonderful analogies

2005-03-30T19:51:00.001-07:00

Last weekend, I was in a conversation with Manmohan uncle and he shared with me two very interesting analogies about divinity.

I was asking him why we should go through material life to realize God in oursleves. Why should we succeed in our job? Why should we marry? Why should we have kids? By involving in these material activities, we just increase our desires and attachments. Do we really gain anything?

As an answer he gave a wonderful analogy. A tiny little fish in the Pacific once had a desire to see the ocean, not knowing that it fact lives in one. It asks all the marine creatures that come in its way big and small, but none of them knew the answer. Finally, it came across a wise fish which said, "You can do this two ways. You can either jump out of the water and then take a look at the ocean and die, or, you can come to believe and understand that each and everything around you is in fact the ocean and continue to live by enjoying its beauty and wonder."

We as humans like the tiny fish seek to know divinity not realizing that it is just within ourselves and everywhere around us. To realize it, we can either live a life of an ascetic without any material attachment to anything which may perhaps result in death. Or otherwise, we can continue to live admiring everything around us with all our heart and soul, acting out of love each and every time by understanding that we are in everything around us! We are all one and the same Divine self!

Another analogy he shared with me stuck hard on my head. He said, "If I give a rose to your right hand, would it be happy?".

"Yes, why not?", I replied.

"Is your left hand jealous or disappointed because it didnt get one?"

I began to understand what he wanted to convey, and nodded on. His next few questiosn were really thought provoking.

"If someone hurt your right hand badly, would your left hand stay put?". "Do you think it would first check with the right hand to see if it really needs help before trying to soothe the hurt?"

Of course not! Then why do we need to check with anyone if he or she needs help. We need ACT, and ACT quickly without second thoughts! Each of us is like an arm to our source which we call God. And each arm does what it has to do. No ifs. No buts. Period.

If the left arm hurts the right arm, who is the loser?

A study circle topic

2005-01-28T19:06:00.001-07:00

Last night, I was reading this section from the Wayne Dyer book about how to decontaminate your environment from negative energy. Dyer talks about an Eight Point Plan of Decontamination suggested my Mother Teresa of Calcutta. It just occurred to me that it would be interesting to have a study circle on it.

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, it the final analysis, it is all between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway."

There was another quote by William Butler Yeats in the same book which also stuck to my head. It goes as follows:

"At certain moments, always unforeseen, I become happy... I look at the strangers near as if I had known them all my life... everything fills me with affection... It may be an hour before the mood passes, but latterly I seem to understand that I enter upon it the moment I cease to hate."

I cannot agree more!

Reinforcing positive thoughts

2005-01-25T20:35:00.001-07:00

This has been a good streak of connectedness for me! Two significant things to talk about. First, the Wayne Dyer chapter on "Stop Giving energy on things you don't Believe in" inspired me a whole lot! I took home some great ideas from that chapter which I want to kind of summarize.

Spiritual people express their desires freely. They are willing to ask people about what they are seeking for without feeling insecure and defensive. They are confident about themselves and their abilities. They then intend to change in a way which will lead them to what they want in their lives. They strengthen their will without letting doubts creep into their minds. They begin to accept the change passionately. Express desire - Ask people - Intend to change - Be passionate.

Do not spend energy on things you don't want. Thoughts are like money given to you freely. Spend each dollar given to you on things you like, which give you happiness. Usually people use up all their thoughts into things which make them sad and depressed and continue to complain about it. Instead, inculcate positive thoughts that increase your confidence and make you feel good about yourself. The mind is such an amazing creation. You can ask it to precisely do what you want. It can be made to feel happy in the most seemingly depressing situations, and it can also go into the other end, into cascading negative ideas to make you think that life is so bad even in situations that deserve celebration.

The idea is to stop thinking negatively. When you find yourself with a negative thought, STOP right there! Instead of the negative thought, reinforce the positive thought. "Oh my God! my work sucks" can be changed to "I am going to try to enjoy my work more". Each positive thought will reinforce change and make it a reality. This is the way to manifest what you want. When you are at a point when there is no doubt in your mind whatsoever that what you want cannot be stopped from happening, then there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can stop it from happening!

Get rid of your personal history. What has happened is over. Start this day with a clean slate. Start as if God gave you your life at this very moment with all the skills you currently have just without your memory to be able to judge and label situations and people. Take things as they come in life without ever trying to create implications for yourself.

Now to the other significant thing. It is about the Adult Study Circle the day before yesterday. The question was "Swami used to say, 'My Life is My Message'. Lately He has been saying 'Your Life is My Message'. What is your understand of this?". I had initially passed this question because I was busy listening to people and I didn't have much to say when my turn came. (I wanted to make a conscious effort to listen to people rather than think about what to say). But as people spoke, I assimilated some thoughts briefly about my answer, but the way I spoke it out stunned me. It was clearly not me, and there was no doubt about it. It was the Divinity in me that sparked! The next paragraph summarizes what it had to say.

Swami used to say His previous quote perhaps referring to people who were seeking to see the God in Him. Those that were not in His fold yet. But once we have come into His fold after having recognized His Divinity, it is now time to help people recognize the Divinity in You! After all, aren't you and He one? So isn't Our Life is His Message?

So go! Go show your Divinity to all! Act Divine, speak Divine, think Divine. YOUR Life is His Message!

Plugging into Divinity

2005-01-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

For the the last couple of weeks have been wonderful for me. It was one of those moments when you feel connected with Divinity and you feel you can achieve anything...

I was just recovering from a phase of struggles at my workplace. Inferiority had got into me and I seemed to have stopped beleiving in myself and my abilities. Everything I did seemed to be going against how I wanted it to be...

But if I look back at those moments now, I can clearly see that it is the mind that plays the games of confidence, triumph when things go "the way you want" and of depression and cascading negative feelings when they don't. Our ever judgemental mind begins to use its prior experience and starts to put things and events together to form new opinions and assumptions even when they are not necessarily true and evident! We plan on the only result we can accept and try to work towards it constantly reminding ourselves about what things can go wrong.

I have lately been trying to convince myself to trust in my own Divinity. The chat I had with Soumya and this book by Wayne Dyer: "There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem" have helped me put things into the right perspective.

The conversation I was able to have on the night of Jan 3 with Darshan amazed me. I had never spoken like that before, but then I know why I could that evening. I remember well that I was not judgemental at all, I spoke right from my heart and most importantly, it was one of those rare moments when I did not bother to think of myself.

Well... it is easier said than done! The last couple of days were boring so to say. I have been having a sore throat threatening into a bad cough and cold. Days have been inactive and gloomy so to say. The movies like "Guru" and Harold & Kumar" I have been watching are definetely a cause. But let's see how I catch up and pull the wire around my hip into that socket of Divinity!